An Environmentally-Unfriendly, Overheated Apartment

Dear Alex,

Thank you for so bravely and generously sharing all of your news. I’m happy that you had a wonderful time in Italy and the story of James climbing stairs is unbearably charming. I’m sorry for the news of the most recent obstacle.

I agree. I look at these photos of you and I wonder how it could be that this person has advanced cancer, has undergone 19 rounds of chemo? She looks so vibrant and light and healthy. If that isn’t the face of strength, I don’t know what is. I am proud to be one of your troops. You are an amazing commander.

To further illustrate your strength for you, I will offer you a comparison. I will share with you a story about someone who demonstrates less strength, much less strength. The other day, Ian and I were walking in the park and it was cold, really cold, and I hadn’t dressed properly. My arms were freezing; my eyes were watering and the eye water was thickening in the cold air; my thighs were going numb (and they’ve got a lot of “protection” (fat) from the cold, so that tells you how cold it was); and between my audible complaints and whining, I kept longing to slip off the road and find a nice tree to curl up under on the ground. I wondered if Ian would notice and if he would go for help and if help would get there in time or if he would need to curl up on the ground too or if wild dogs would find me and eat me. None of these scenarios were appealing, I don’t like lying on the ground and I think I would not like to be eaten by wild dogs either, so I kept going, but I complained and complained. And Alex…I was just cold! That’s all it took for me to have hysterical thoughts. And I knew that we would eventually walk into our environmentally-unfriendly, overheated apartment.

I don’t know what it is like to fight so hard and for so long as you have. How exhausting it must be. More than exhausting even. I wish I could package up some energy, health and happy-feeling and send it to you. I wish I could tell you where your finish line is exactly. I wish I could banish the side effects. I can tell you that I love you and I think of you every day. I think you’re doing a great job fighting this f*#cker. I hope that you will find distraction easier than you have recently. Negative thoughts are natural (see above story), but should not be indulged. They are just thoughts and not real. What is real is that you are here and still fighting and moving forward and you will reach that finish line.

Sending you tons of love and gentle hugs,

Jess