Dear Danda,

you and my fellow bloggers may consider me naive and immature (hopefully, not disrespectful) for still wanting to write you one last blog entry, but I guess we all have our own ways of going through pain and dealing with the incomprehensible losses of life. I thank Chiara for her heartfelt message to all of us, for her amazing strength and serenity in sharing the devastating news. I thank Vicki for sharing that beautiful, unforgettable smile of yours with us one last time. I thank James for making me giggle with him notwithstanding my tears as I re-watched his recent videos. I thank cousin Alexis for giving us all the opportunity to fill Danda´s last year with an endless outpour of love and admiration through this blog she created. I thank all the bloggers (and all who sent her those touching e-mails she always mentioned) for making this such an enriching and meaningful year. It has been an honour to be part of Danda´s incredible marathon of strength, determination, gentleness, grace and love! I also thank Julie for sharing that beautiful, comforting poem which is so true...a reminder that, as the physical beings we are, we are still are so attached to things our "spiritual friends" are beyond. In many ways, the poem reflects what I felt when I witnessed my father´s last breath a year and a half ago. I knew he was no longer in his body but I felt his presence stronger than ever. He was wrapping me, lifting me, showing me the existence of another dimension ("la dimensione cosmica" as he loved to call it!) which I had never felt so strongly. The struggle came after, when at times I doubted the existence of this other dimension and could not connect with my father as he had promised me I would be able to. With time, I learned to trust in this different type of connecting, and I have discovered what my father so often had explained. When loved ones leave this earth, their presence can become all the stronger and more potent as if, in some unobtrusive and delicate way, they were always watching over us, always listening and willing to comfort us. It´s hard to feel this now with you, Danda, as I am still in a mix of disbelief and tears. My heart goes out to Vicki, Chiara, Marco, little James and Julian. I wish I could do something to soothe the pain, and yet I know now is a time of acceptance of all that comes and goes. As you taught us, carissima Danda, we should be open with our feelings. We should not give into them but yes let them flow, for it is only this way that they can end up flowing out of us. I also wonder what words you are whispering to all of us, those words our tears are preventing us from hearing. I miss you soooooo much and can´t bear to think of the pain your loved ones and closest friends must be going through. I´ve been quiet lately on the blog, traveling like crazy and with big changes in my life, but serene knowing that you had been at Alexis´ wedding as your dear mother had told me last time I saw her in Madrid. I continued praying for you every night and was hoping that the "no news" on your blog was "good news". Not much left to say now, except this crazy idea that I want to make myself a mega-healthy Danda-salad for dinner! I remember taking the photo of that wonderful salad you made for us on one of my visits (the one your Mum put up on this blog), and so this will be my very humble way of honouring you. Dear Vicki, Chiara and Marco, I will be there next Friday. Please tell me if you need anything from Madrid, if I can be of help in any way, and if there´s any specific way you would want us to pay tribute to Danda´s beautiful person and admirable life. Love you, Danda, and thanks for all you´ve taught and inspired in me. You will be with all of us forever, I know...