Dear James,

When you get to read this you will probably not know of me. I have written just once on this blog. My name is Elena and had been Alessandra's colleague for about a year and a half at her wonderful clinical practice in London. I met Alessandra when she was 7 months pregnant with you. I would see her almost every day at work and often outside work. So, I only knew her for a year, but what a year: The happiest year of her life, because of you. And the most difficult year of her life. They say you really get to know someone in their hard times... I have quite come to believe that, although I had known her for only a brief time, I got to know a big part of who she really was as a professional, a mother, a woman, and a person.

I met your mother through a friend of hers who had recommended contacting her when I had just completed my PhD in Oxford, and was looking for a job in London and some advice by someone who could understand my professional background and aspirations ( Like her, I had also been trained in the US). She was keen to meet me and during our first conversation which was very helpful, she asked me if I could help her with a family she was working with (April 2008). I was happy to do so, and to make the long story short, what started as a one-time collaboration resulted in the most memorable partnership. Alessandra invited me to collaborate with her and for 14 months I got to share her cozy office, and work side by side with who I believe was one of the most kind, professional, sharp, thoughtful and creative psychologists that I have met in my life. You see, I have studied at Columbia University and Oxford University and have been exposed to some of the best courses currently available. But what I have come to learn, is that no textbooks, no training courses and no doctoral certificates, teach you how to connect with a child and his/her family in a way that is human and caring; in the same way that one would respond to his own child or family. That is how she was with the children and families that we worked with.

You also need to know how happy she was that year despite all obstacles. She would bring you in the office with a big smile in her face and that smile was there all the time. She observed you so proudly and talked to everyone about you. She was really, really happy. And although so often I would sense the same enthusiasm in her voice when she answered the phone to Julian with the typical "hi amor", I believe even he must have been feeling a bit jealous of you during that year!

What I thought was remarkable in all the time I knew her, was the authentic kindness towards everyone around her, despite the dark forces that could have threatened her purest spirit. With everything she had on her plate, she still genuinely expressed how happy she was for us when regular positive things happened in our lives and never ceased to care for everyone close to her. I will not forget a time when I was visiting London- sometime after I had moved back to the US ( Nov 2009)- when she called me to ask if she could reschedule our catching up time because she had to go to the hospital. Her words were along these lines: “Hi Elena. I am so sorry for having to change the day of our getting together. I know you are visiting for just a few days and must be so busy, but my appointment for some blood work was changed and need to go to the hospital during the time we were supposed to meet-can we meet another time? !!". The funny thing is...that she meant it in the kindest way that I heard it. This is who she was to everyone, at a time when she had every reason to hate the world.

Lastly, I want to disclose to you something she told me one time in the hospital when she was admitted after a complication of a chemo therapy. You were just a few months old. She was confessing to me how surreal her diagnosis was feeling to her and she became a bit emotional because she considered her self to be ‘healthy’. She went on to explain that her doctor had told her that the cancer was possibly masked by the pregnancy symptoms and therefore could have not been detected during her pregnancy. Suddenly, her facial expression changed all together, and with a real smile starting to form, she said: “You know what? Even if there was a way to detect it earlier, I would have never given up having James. James is my greatest gift". I will not forget the tone of her voice nor her look at that moment. You had been the source of real happiness, happiness that is not easily found in life.

Putting it all together, I remember your mother as a truly healthy and happy woman.

Our bodies might get injured, our bodies might get sick, but her mind and her soul were perhaps the healthiest mind and soul I have come to know.

Like everyone who thinks this way, I feel extremely privileged to have met Alessandra and to have been her colleague and friend.

Vicky, thank you for being such a wonderful parent. Alessandra must have received so much love in life to be able to give that much back to everyone...

Julian, thank you for making Alessandra smile the way I picture her when she answered you phone calls.

Chiara and Alexis, and everyone on the blog, thank you for creating this special blog.

Love,

Elena