More Lessons Learned.

Dear All,

It's been quiet on the blog front. Hopefully, it's because we have all been busy, happily busy, leading "normal lives". I have continued to strive for the "normal", in busying myself in everyday things, while still learning to accept (and struggling at times to do so) the reality of what is yet "not normal" for me. The operative word is "yet", I tell myself. Be patient. Breathe.

I have seen many clients over the past couple of weeks. It has felt good, and my sessions with the students and with their parents have been very rewarding, vivid reminders of why I choose to do the work that I do. I have, however, noted my energy levels throughout, and am still learning about and acclimating to the smaller "tank of fuel" I seem to have. I tire easily. I cannot see the younger children in the afternoons - it takes too much out of me. So, I make my mental notes, and I adjust. I plan differently. And I take pride in making those adjustments and in recognising what my body needs, versus taking pride in "how much work I have completed". Accomplishment is measured in self care, not in work hours. Achievement is measured in "feeling healthy", not in feeling paid. "Success" takes on new meanings for me, every day. I make mistakes, many mistakes trust me, but I am learning to redefine accomplishment, achievement, success.

I am ploughing ahead, with steady momentum, on the dietary front. It is so time consuming: the constant shopping for the fresh produce, the reading of labels to make sure I am not eating/drinking anything with sugar or dairy, the juice making, the counting out of the 40+ pill supplements I take every day... I complain about this sometimes, and am sure that I will continue to do so on some days. But I am learning to not see it as a chore, but instead as time "well spent". Julian has been wonderful in bringing me bagfuls of organic vegetables that he has grown with love and care for me in his garden. These pictures speak for themselves.... I guess that there is some "American" now in my British hubby... hooray for fresh squash... it will make Thanksgiving feel that extra special! And, as he reminds me, we have so much to be thankful for.

My hands and feet continue to be a mess. But even that feels more and more to be simply part of the "routine". I expect it, so I am better mentally prepared, and just push through it as best as I can. Put it in perspective, I tell myself, and one day, this too shall pass. Hang on in there. You are doing this. And I learn that I am stronger than I thought and that I can bear more than I would have imagined. My "weak spot" (one of many!) however, is when I feel "unexpected" pain... I get incredibly anxious, I get immediately tearful... "Why is that hurting? What does it mean?" I worry, and I vent, and then I regroup, often with the help of one of Chiara's wonderful peptalks that put me back in the saddle. As she says, "Never take your eyes off the finish line. You will get there, You know that. How you get there is the hard part, because there are ups and downs, and many unknowns. But you will get there. And that is all that matters". And so, even when I question whether I have it in me, I learn to trust in the belief that the finish line is mine for the taking, and hold onto it as tightly as I can.

My highlight of the past few days is that my dearest friend Joanne is here in London, and she came to see me today. James fell in love with her from the moment she walked into the room (as I knew he would) - he showered her in smiles, responded joyfully to her playfulness, and showed genuine interest in the photo of her beautiful 4 year old daughter Annika...I think there's potential there for some future match making! It was so wonderful to see Joanne, and to be in her company. I miss my friends so very very much. I miss you all! As I sat with her and chatted over a cup of tea, I thought of my blog writing and how I typically type with a cup of green tea next to me... This blog has become my "cup of tea with friends", and I realise more and more, how much this connection means to me. And how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends, such a supportive family, such fabulous troops.

Time to turn off my light. It's late, and I need to sleep. I just wanted to connect as it feels like too long since I last wrote. And yet not a moment goes by that I don't think of you all, and feel you with me every step of the way.

Hugs to all.