Voiceless with a voice

Dear Danda,

I have now started this same post about three times now. I have begun it every way to Tuesday-upbeat, introspective, even domineering. You see, I am ill. Yes, some would say what's new, you have always been a bit twisted. But I mean ill, like I am sick and have been so for six days. It came out of nowhere, grabbed hold and will not let go no matter what I try to do to shake it. I went to work Monday thinking I could shrug it off. I then stayed home for two days and tried going back to work yesterday. I had to leave early and return home. And today I am here, again, at home and trying to get lick this thing!

So in this time I have watched A LOT of tennis. The US Open is currently being played in NYC, where I was supposed to be this weekend with Jeff, but we have called it off in favor of getting me healthy again. What disappointment. I was so excited for an adventure to what always seems like a new city when I visit. And for the first time to be able to watch live tennis-I mean, come on, let me get well!

I babble on now because I have so much to say. In the days of being sick I have manged to lose my voice. ME without a voice...?! It's like James without spinach! I have tried to keep myself occupied watching tennis, but it is not as exciting as watching it with someone when you both can attest to having seen the same amazing shot played out before your very eyes. I did tune into Oprah the other day and by a stroke of luck watched an interview with Michael J. Fox. I seem to remember that you were reading his book?

He is an amazing individual and as his book title confesses, An Incurable Optimist! 18 years with Parkinson's and he is a living example of strength and poise with a healthy dose of self-deprecation. He said a couple of very poignant things about living with his disease in his interview which I will try to relay here, but it might just take reading the book or if you have correcting me as I try to relive them on this page.

1) Vanity-it is the first thing to go.
2) I am living my life differently than I would have had I not had this disease. I am a changed person; for the better. I do not take any moment for granted. There is nothing of greater importance than something my children wanted to tell or show me.
3) I did not chose this disease, but I have it and must accept it. I can hate it and say it sucks, but there is no denying it is there. What I can chose are a million things in the day. I have each day to make choices that are mine and meaningful. Not to mention he fights endlessly for a cure for his disease so it is not that he is giving in or giving up, he is getting on.

I wished that you had been here sitting next to me watching the show because I see so much of him in you. I am in awe of how you have picked yourself, dusted yourself off and are getting on with life. You have ventured to the shore because it was important to you and you wanted to experience it. You venture to Sevenoaks to breathe fresh air and watch your boys tend to the garden. You head the park simply to be there in its surroundings.

As I sit sick and moaning, voiceless, I think of you and hear your voice from the last time we spoke. Your voice is strong and carries for many to hear. Thank you for giving voice to your life on this blog. We all cherish it! I love you!

Lex