Dear All,Great to read that the Alessandra has reached home safe and sound... I must do my namesake proud and follow suit... I dream of ending 2009 healed, and setting foot on that deck...Make it happen, I tell myself, just make it happen.
Have spent the better part of the last few days in quarantine and with a sore, stitched foot that keeps me close to home. Good news is that we got the biopsy results back, and the mole was benign. Big relief, as I don't need any more drama! I finally managed to get out this weekend, for a short walk in the park, and it felt so liberating just to be outside. While we were out, James met a little girl his same age, and cutely interacted with her as he sat opposite to her on the lawn, which consisted of pulling her big toe and then poking her chest where her breasts should be (his skills of seduction need some attention...!), after which, satisfied and disenchanted, he proceeded to entertain himself by pulling tufts of grass and putting them in his mouth. Then today, I met with a family at the office, the beginnings of another case. Again, I feel a combo of joy and sadness at being back at work, because of the reminder it gives me of a normalcy that is still far from normal. But my mood is better today, regardless. Admittedly I have had some sleepless nights with dreams of my cancer spreading which, as you can imagine, left me with an awful feeling of unease as I awoke and fought away the fears that can attach themselves to the aches and pains and that can consequently push my thoughts in directions that they should not go. But then, those phases pass. I cry, and let it out, and I breathe easier. And I wrap myself up in hope and in images of my future.
I continue to focus so much on my diet - my mission remains to fuel my body with goodness and more goodness. I attach a photo of a salad I served up to Sally, a close friend of the family, who came to London, and spent the better part of a day with my mother and me. [The salad, all organic, consisted of lettuce leaves, chopped yellow peppers, shredded red cabbage, cherry tomatoes, mixed grains - quinoa, spelt, barley - kidney beans, sliced avocado, sauteed chicken and asparagus, and a balsamic vinegar, olive oil and salt and pepper dressing. Served with Sally's multigrain seeded bread. Quite yummy, if I can say so myself!] It feels empowering to own the change in diet, but I admit that I dream of cheese and wine on a daily basis... I kid you not... I can't seem to let go of those images of ripe brie, melted cheese toasted sandwiches, mature cheddar, smoked gouda, shaved parmesan... not to mention a chilled glass of Pinot Grigio...!
I want to end on two notes that brought a smile to my face over the past few days:
Firstly, is the book, "The Art of Possibility", by Rosamunde Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. It was given to me by Maria Rosaria, a close friend of mine who I hope may one day become my sister in law (big grin)...The title speaks for itself. It is a wonderful read, with great stories and anecdotes that weave musical themes as told by Ben who is the conductor of the Boston Philarmonic. I found it thought-provoking and inspiring. A happy book.
Secondly, is the following scenario shared by my very dear friend Joe in a recent email to me. It describes his cute little boy Nate who is two going on three (dare I say I may be wrong and he is three already...?) Anyway, here's hoping that Joe doesn't mind my sharing this, but I simply loved it and it made my day: "Nate just marched up to me with a handful of playing cards and demanded that I "take a card". I took one from the top and looked at it. He took it back and placed it on top of the deck. He looked at me gravely for a moment and waved his hand. Then he took the same card from the top of the deck and demanded "is THIS you card?" "It is" I cried, "that's amazing magic!" His little face split into a huge triumphant grin... The day can't really get off to a better start than that."
Huge hugs to all.
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