Wonders of Nature

Well, I've finally gotten the guts to post here. You'd think writing for a living I wouldn't mind. (How's this for a silver lining - no reports to write!)

Upon reflecting on our recent family trip, where I thought of you frequently, I thought about what it was that I would wish I could collect. That would be the wonders of nature. A critically endangered blue iguana RIGHT THERE (after me for my coconut!). A soldier crab perched 3 feet in the air on top of a stick. The beauty of a baby green sea turtle's shell. A blow hole in the ancient coral shore, at sunset. A complex tropical flower. Petting stingrays in the wild ocean. Children.

And you, Alessandra. You and your body are a wonder of nature. Your strength and your fight - your ability to beat this fucker (to use your words). I feel certain that Dr. Plowman is right.

Love you,

Katherine

QUITE LITERALLY, A BELLY LAUGH

Realizing that I may be WAY off base, given the fact that Danda is undergoing chemo and nausea is possibly the most "upsetting" side effect, I offer up one of the funniest scenes ever filmed - Go to U-TUBE or Google and type in Stand By Me - Barf-a-Rama. You will not be disappointed, and your memory will have served you well. Two bits you will laugh until your sides ache. If you don't, you were never young and foolish. Actually, the film in its entirety is worth watching again. It is the essense of youth. Perhaps James would enjoy it while bouncing in his "bounce" chair! Barf on! LSC

Fun!!!!!!

Ooh, I think I may have started a funny fest! Let us have it everyone!

laughter

The goat would like to know if his kisses count as germy ones. The horse...well...I added that one by accident and couldn't figure out how to remove it. And in the name of humor...

Knock knock. Who's there? The interrupting cow. The interrupt -- MMMOOOOO!!!!!!!

Why did the turtle cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

What is the difference between ooh and aah? About three inches. (side bar -- I only felt safe adding this one to the list thanks to the rousing response to Chiara's strip tease. Well, ok, it wasn't exactly Chiara's strip tease...)

Where do you put a dog who has been barking in the road? In the barking lot!!! (That's a favorite at my daughter's preschool.)

I'm quite sure you all can do better. Bring it on!!!

Lots of love - Lindsay

Laughter is the Best Medicine!

For any of you who know me, you know that I love to laugh and try to find humor in everyday life. Humor is what gets me through the intensity that life can often have day to day. So, I started looking up the health benefits of laughter and there is actual research on "humor therapy". I totally need to go into this field. A recent study, for example, found that laughter helps blood vessels function better. Another study shows that laughter causes your brain to release chemicals that relax your muscles and produce pleasure. Still, another study credits laughter with stimulating the body's immune system, which can help fight viruses. And hearty laughter has even been shown to massage your internal organs. Blah, blah, blah. You don't need to know all of this technical jargon, my goal for this post is to make everyone laugh and hopefully bring Alex a little humor therapy in the process. So, here is a little funny to bring a smile to your faces. Hope it makes you giggle. Remember, the bigger the laugh the better for your health. Happy laughing everyone!

silver linings

It is about time I write a few unsolicited words on this blog, but I have been struggling with trying to find the moment. Along with Alessandra, I find everyone's comments so entertaining and heart-warming - a boost to anyone's morale.

Alessandra and I often talk about the curved ball that was thrown to her out of nowhere and about the silver linings that have evolved because of it. Over the years - many years - I have always found a silver lining, or more, after a storm. It may not always be obvious and it may not be immediate, but it always shows up.

She and I were talking about how lucky we are to be able to spend so much time together after
18 years. We see each other every day! And not only do I see her but I see Chiara and watch my grandson grow up before my eyes. How lucky is that! Now poor Julian may not feel that he has been that lucky with the constant presence of his mother-in-law but he is bearing up well
and so far has not taken away my key to their flat!

Other silver linings: Alessandra's hospital is a five minute walk from her flat. Some very old friends of ours from Denmark have let me use their flat when needed and the flat is but a 15-minute walk from Alessandra. When the bed is occupied other friends have offered another. True friends touch your heart in a way that is undescribable. As for friends! How lucky that Alessandra has the support and the love from all of you who write on the blog. A big hug to you Alexis for getting it all started! You are a silver lining and a star to boot!

There are many more silver linings out there and I shall keep you posted! Love from a very grateful mother

CONNECTIONS/COLLECTIONS

Dear Danda,
It was wonderful to read your post and to hear you making such strides due, in part, to your "new collection" of medical personnel. Their names remind me of that wonderfully successful ad campaign THE UNITED COLORS OF BENNETON! I can just picture their smiles, their eyes, their hair, skin, mannerisms and various vocal lilts. A regular United Nations! I can also feel their love for you. As you know, all too well, it is incredibly difficult to play the finely tuned human instrument of caring. It is not a practice session. There are no rehersals. The curtain is up. Here is an orchestra that never gives a poor performance. They do not need sheet music or even a conductor. They hear, see, feel and bring forth the best music thay can make given their various instruments. While you would rather be elsewhere, you are lucky have one of the best seats in the house. After round 6, you can paste your concert tickets in a scrapbook and place it on a shelf, and then go onto other things. LSC

A Valentine's Day of I Love You's

Dear All,

As Valentine’s Day draws to a close, I sit here grateful for all the love in my life. I am doing well today. My appetite has really improved, and finally the bad effects of this last chemo round seem to have mostly lifted. To no surprise, my bloodwork two days ago came back confirming that yes, I am AGAIN, neutropenic - my white cells are at 0.1 - a testament to how strongly the chemo impacts my system and, specifically, my bone marrow. So, was given the usual series of shots I need to take to bolster white cell recovery in the time that remains before my next cycle, and was warned about being around anyone remotely sick. I am staying clear of shops and other public venues for a couple of days until I have more of a defense. James' sloppy, drooly kisses do not count in the "germ" category - they remain my best medicine and the highlights of my day.

I was thinking about the messages recently posted by many of you - one the theme of "connections", the other the theme of "collections". And I think that I really thrive on collecting connections - don't know what I would do without them, and mine seem to span distance and time, both local and far, given the nomadic life I have led to date. And of the many things this cancer journey has shown me, is how wonderfully strong and special and treasured those connections of mine are and what a beautiful collection they have become. This blog, the messages, the calls, the thoughts.... they are all testament to this. I have even grown very fond, in just a matter of weeks, of the team at the hospital that looks after me so well. There is Alex, the Irish senior nurse, whose bedside manner, humour, kindness, patience and efficiency have made my journey so far that bit easier – I owe him many of my “good days” when my time in hospital could have felt so bleak, and I owe him my peace of mind when I needed answers and information. There is the team of other nurses: Angela, always smiling and upbeat; Joe and Alejandro who never fail to ask after James and who have cared for me with gentleness; Aida and Risa whose efficiency has helped me through my hardest of treatment moments; Anne-Marie, John, Hillary and Judy who held my hand and soothed my soul as I lived through six days in intensive care; and Maria, who looked me in the eye and firmly stated “Girl Power, you can do it” when I started my first chemo cycle. There is Dr. Mohammed, who oversees the oncology ward, and is a soft-spoken physician that has witnessed and understands both my pain and my strength. And of course there is Dr. Plowman, my oncologist, my team leader who took both my hands as I cried through my diagnosis news and said, “Alessandra, do you hear me, I will get you into remission”. His no-nonsense attitude and yet nurturing manner hold my hope and my belief that I will beat this disease. These people are now an extended part of my family, and I feel lucky.

So, on this Valentine’s Day, my list of “I love you’s” and “thank you’s” abound. And I continue to collect connections with appreciation and gratitude. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

Collections

Hi everyone! Very interesting to read about the collections people on this blog have, and I really liked all the pictures of Alexis' animals. This made me realize that I too have a collection... I collect shower caps (!) mostly from hotels. I just love them and I guess I like the small boxes they package them in. When I don't use the one I get in the hotel room I'm staying, I take it with me! Perhaps initially it started because I wanted a memento of nice hotels where I enjoyed my stay. Now, as soon as I get into a hotel room I look for the shower cap and if I don't find one I remember the hotel as a place not to return to. You may wonder whether I keep my shower caps scattered about in my living room or in a nice jar, like a proud collector. Well, I don't. They're in a drawer in the bathroom (for Uri's relief). I'm sure you're glad I'm not posting a picture of that collection here. I share Alexis's fear about my collection, so no need to comment on this post either...

Hello All,

Alexis I couldn't resist to show you my fish Link!

I loved the animals you have and I for one would enjoy everyone of them and love your addiction!

Julian gave me this fish and he's great and beautiful!! So you say fish that's my passion.

Link is named after Alex (long story she can tell you) I feel weird writing on this blog twice in one day but had to show my beautiful fish from Alex and Julian who by the way is doing well and sends his best to his Aunt Alex and Uncle Julian! Take it from a fish how to survive the water changes and the neglect when you don't change the bowl for weeks. Link is a survivor like us all!

Best to all!

Eve

Fish, Fowl and Flesh?!

I will make this posting brief, but amusing. Ornithology (Ellen's daughter's favorite activity!), Mixology (unbelievable that there is an actual study of mixing drinks!) and now Indoor Zoology--this blog has it all! based on the past couple of postings For a laugh I thought I would share a recent trend that I have noticed in my collection of "things" as my friends like to call it. I know, we all have our own little collections. Alessandra and Lisa collect pears- Alessandra's are all petite and uniform and are kept at bay in a bowl. My mother's are in various shapes, sizes and material and scattered about. And I,...I apparently collect animals.

This would not be so odd if I lived in a big house and they were displayed throughout, but I live in a small apartment where they seem to rule the roost in my living room. I did not fully recognize this pattern of indoor animal collecting until my most recent purchase, with Jeff's consent of course, of some bronze duck topped fireplace tools. We found them on Ebay and low and behold there were only two other people who were also bidding for our treasure. We won and shortly there after they arrived and I was hit with my addiction. Attached below are my pictures of my fish, fowl and flesh.

My question is, has anyone else who has visited noticed this obsession of mine? Is this grounds for sending me to a farm to live out this animal fantasy of mine. OR should I just be sent to the loony bin altogether. This is one post that I don't think comments are necessary for I fear what the answer will be!

Love Lex

Fish, Fowl and Flesh pictures-see post above!

Some Beach Somewhere!!

Hello My Friend!!,

I hear your doing well and it makes me so happy I thought I'd send you some bloody mary's and say cheers!!!!

Don't they look good? Soon we will be sitting on some porch, some patio, some beach somewhere having a few of these and laughing our pants off at this stupid worm who thought he could take you down!

Love the straws in the picture so cool. As cool as you. You must know I'd love them.

So again to this foolish worm inside of you say bye,bye because we have bloody mary's to drink!! Some beach somewhere!

Love you stacks and stacks!!!!

Eve

PARROTT TULIPS, PHOOEY!

Here are some real parrots! Spring may just be coming to the tropics as a flock of these paraqueets just zeroed in on a turpentine tree near the cottage. They love leafless trees as their bright green feathers mimic leaves, I think, and so they serve a pleasurable purpose. Julian, of course, with his huge knowledge of trivia will be able to give me the real reason, but I rather like mine. The only time you see them in the leafy trees is when there are some berries around or there is a hawk in the upper stratosphere. Such chattering and carrying on. What a discordant symphony! James will adore watching their zoomings through the garden. Fast little suckers!
The iguana population is sprouting too, much to the pleasure of Peanut and Cashew! I thought they had totally descimated the population last year within a mile radius of the house, but no! They found a really old codger the other day and proceeded to taunt him. God, are they hunters. Naughty. Teasers. Really skilled at attacking from all angles. Quite cruel. I rescued the old man and took him across Skyline drive to the bushes. I hope he has the good sense to find a new stomping ground and stay there. Nature amazes me. Have you seen a bird in the ivy in your patio? There should be a thrush in residence soon. Just a hint of warmer weather; a spring rain; Doesn't London get spring relatively early? Aren't all the old ladies out in their gardens cajoling seedlings upward so that they can be taken to the Chelsea Flower Show? Wishful thinking on my part. I guess I will just keep my bumbershoot and slicker at the ready so when you call me to come across the "pond", I shall be fully attired. Just like Christopher Robin! My those names have a familiar ring! Hugs, dearest one. LSC

Good Night from the West

Hello Alex

We are off to bed and soon you will be waking to start a new day. We wish you a day filled with enough energy to laugh and to be with those around you. Olivia and Grace ask about you every day - Olivia says "AAAAlllllleeexxxx". It is as if she knows that you live far away and she needs to say it extra loud and extra strong. I hope you feel the strength coming your way from all of us around the world!

Love, Lisa

file:///Users/marilynmackay/Pictures/iPhoto%20Library/Modified/2008/Roll%201719/DSC01382.JPG

A New Friend.....

Danda....You may recall visiting with Eric & Ingrid Zucker and me on St. John in an unfinished bunker on top of a hill at the end of the world.  Since your visit, they've had another daughter.  Their names are Amelie (will be 3 May 3) and Zia (will be 1 on May 30).  I think the A-Z is telling us something.  ..  Can't remember whether it came up at lunch that I had worked for your grandmother, Betty Smith, at Island Interiors way back when I was much younger than you are today.  It was my job to guard the petty cash box from your mother, aunt Lisa, uncle Geoffrey and grandfather - no easy task.  As the years rolled by, Betty came down with breast cancer and went through her own trials.  BUT, you have her genes and she ended up enjoying life to a ripe old age.  Keep that in mind during those "down" days.  Will try to upload some pix of the St. Johnians and their house to show you its growth, albeit at an island pace....marilynmackay

Flowers for you!

I thought I would take pause from day to send you some flowers Danda. This simple bouquet of parrot tulips with some berry and grass fillers was delivered to my boss today and I thought it was so delicate and beautiful that I had to send it along. They are virtual flowers, rather than the real thing, but I have donated some money into the Whole Foods fund so you could purchase some of your own! Working in my windowless office all day can send me into a funk so this week I bought myself some pink ranunculus to add a little life to my office. Indeed the desired effect is working-I am happier because of them and all for $4 from the farmer's market-such a bargain! So pick yourself up some flowers when you are well enough to venture outside again and put them beside your bed to bring a little life into your room! I love you, hope you are feeling a tad better today. Thinking of you, Lex

Power of Sisters Continued...

Hi Alessandra and fellow bloggers (is that a word now?),

In separate emails I have sent directly to Alessandra I have shared with her that it has quickly become part of my morning routine to make coffee, pour a cup and then check-in to see if there are any updates on how our dear friend is doing. While it has taken me some time (and nerve) to actually post a note, I have been captivated by the outpouring of love and support for Alessandra and her family. Alessandra, you never cease to amaze me with the eloquence in your writing, even in the midst of such difficult times. You are truly loved and cared for, and so many of us are praying for you and wishing you strength and recovery.

Chiara, you sound as amazing as your sister! When Alessandra was working in Boston, she often spoke of you and missed you terribly. It is amazing that you are back together in the same city, and that you are helping her with this dreadful battle. Having two little girls myself (picture above), I can only hope that someday they will share the love that you two do, and that if the worst of times presents itself, they will be there for each other like you two are. I never had a sister, but seeing my two girls and hearing of your relationship, make me know that I missed something special in the incredible bond that can develop between female siblings. Now don’t get me wrong…my girls BATTLE like crazy. Right now the issues are crayons and Princess dolls…..maybe someday to be replaced by boys and clothing…but when it comes down to it, I hope they know they have each other and that they will always be there for one another, much like the two of you.

Speaking of which, my oldest is home on day #4 with the flu, so off I go to administer Ibuprofen and keep the little one away from her germs. Hang tough, Alessandra. Sorry to hear treatment #3 reared its ugly head a few days later than usual, but have faith that the medication is wiping the illness out of your system. Power of visualization.

Lots of love,
Karen

The boss

It's great to hear you're feeling better every day. I think you should cherish your need for control. I am sure that it will work in your favor in the long run. Of course you have to rest, do the chemos, the diet, and all these things you wouldn't want to. But taking some control, within the limits imposed by the situation (yes, those limits are very constraining now), cannot be bad. It will help you motivate yourself, distract you from the things that frighten and depress you, and take a more and more active part in this fight. Besides, both White squadrons on your side and guerrilla fighters on the other had better understand once and for all who is the boss!

Happy Endings!!

Hi danda and everyone else!

Well, it is funny that I am the one that is supposedly the resident expert on the blog because it seems I too am learning new things about it all the time. Apparently some of you clued into the fact that you could just comment on a posting because you many of you already have. So for those who have not seen this option or clicked on the "comments" link at the end of each posting you should. Under each posting you can see the number of comments that have been written about a particular post or you can comment yourself.

What is more amusing is that in reading back through all of the comments I came upon one written by Joanne. She began her comment with a quote that really resonated with me and I thought to myself, those are words worth living by. The quote read, "And if our bodies can't take us there, our minds can do the peddling for us if you exercise that muscle." Then I continued to read the rest of Joanne's comment on the quote and low and behold learned that I had written those words in a post of mine! Not to flatter myself, but what the hell, what brilliant words they are!!

Danda, it seems that you ARE exercising that muscle, visualizing the conquering of cancer in your own body! YOU are taking control, but in a good way this time. You are taking control of your destiny as best you can by thinking positively about the outcome-this has a strong impact on fighting this disease. This is how miracles happen by you willing the cancer away-have faith! We do! And are fighting right along side you, happy endings and all!...Chiara-I love you!

Oh, and just so you know we are sympathiazing with your plight your description of the chemo was powerful. To smell and taste the chemo-that is awful. You and Peanut are really having a rough go of it! I want to tell you smother yourself in lavender moisturizing cream and suck on lemon drops to make it all go away, but somehow I think that will only partially mask your experience, but maybe it is worth a try. I just want you to know I sympathize with you-this is not an easy cure.

Big hugs of warmth,
Lex

Wishes from Geneva, Switzerland

Dearest Alessandra,

I have been following your unrequested adventure into the world of modern medicine with the reports from Lisa. To read the blog, your support team is really tremendous and your comments heart-warming. I have lived with someone on chemo and know the daily waits and the unknowns, I suppose it could be boring if it was the same each time! I, myself spent time last year with bits being cut out and then zapped. The positive about having my head zapped is that they did not damage my eye and the hair that disappeared, patches, has grown back dark, like it used to be and, in some places tight curls. When my hairdresser told me that it was dark and curly I said it was my hommage to Obama.

My sister, who lives in Clapham, has a present for James, if I asked her to have her husband leave it with his secretary at 3, Basil Street (Doctor's surgery) - just near Harrods, could someone pick it up or should I ask her to get to a post office? No rush, I am sure he has lots of goodies.

Now that I have go onto this brilliant system, which started out in german, not my second language, I will look forward to following from afar.

With very much love and wishes for 'bon courage'. James is beautiful, I am sure Viki must be a wonderful and doting Grandmother.

Best. Nicola

What Would One Do Without Pep Talks?

You have all heard me often reference Chiara's "pep talks". Well, they are as good a medicine as I have ever had, and I cannot put into words how much they have managed to soothe, inspire, make me giggle, or simply envelope me in a hug that makes it all alright. So I had to share the following: This past weekend, I hit a moment of a "low" - I felt awful, frustrated, fearful, and wishing so desperately that my health had not taken this turn. Yes, one of those "human" moments, when I was struggling to shift gears back to the positive mental mindset which is more typically my daily stance. Chiara and I have often talked about the power of visualisation with this cancer, and I believe in it fully. To date, my visualisations have been friends and family with huge miner's picks, hammering and chipping away at the boulder of my breast cancer and lymph node, chunks of rock coming away into piles of insignificant rubble and dust, and the boulder getting smaller and smaller. The chemo is ice-cold Corona beers and cocktails for all that are working on this, so when it arrives, there are whoops of joy and cheers, and the chipping and hammering just gets all that more vigorous. As for the spots on my liver and bones, I imagine James with a wooden rake, sweetly raking the "pebbles/spots" from the earth of my body or kicking them off with his feet - getting the trouble spots unstuck, and smoothing the earth with his pudgy hands. The earth is then ready for planting with health and vitamins and all the good foods that I have been feeding myself.



Now, in the low of this weekend, Chiara introduced another visualisation, saying that my body is full of troops that are itching to fight this cancer, but that heck, my blue attitude is doing NOTHING for the camp morale.... and so the following transcript was sent to me by her, via Messenger... and I just loved it:

• Chiara says: Hey, don't be blue you have to be up! Because you're almost at the end of your third bout of chemo, so half way through the crapola and well on your way to getting better. And you have been eating so much better which means your body is so much stronger even in the worst of times and so you are proving that we're slowly getting your body back to being fighting fit.

• Chiara says: Army morale is very very high, so keep it up - not going to help if they see the Lieutenant moping around the barracks. You've got "Cry Me A River" playing over the army base tannoi -NOT going to help. Instead send the Vietnamese strippers in to cheer them up in me-love-you-long-time style. (How un-pc is this??)

• Chiara says: You'll have the White Cell boys riled up in no time - cue much whooping, pelvic thrusting and stroking of guns in lewd manner.

• Chiara says: They'll be so adrenaline pumped that they will go absolutely ape-shit on the Tumor guerillas. So much so that word will spread about how barbaric your boys are.

• Chiara says: That those that haven't even had face-to-face combat with the White squadron will be hauling their sorry asses out of Danda territory fast, and being the fanatic martyrs that they are, will be fed the Berries-call-to-martyrdom and self-destruct, ie commit suicide, purely so as not to be defeated in face-to-face combat with the Whites.

• Chiara says: Operation Boom-bastic will be the pinnacle of success and your boys will aptly celebrate to the tunes of Shaggy (Mr Boombastic). Hey maybe you can get that song on your CD. Cue, more lewd activity, pelvic thrusting and bringing in of the strippers.
  

I have attached a photo of Chiara playing with James. If I love her pep talks, I cannot begin to put into words how much I love her.

Round #3 is nearing its conclusion

A rainy Tuesday morning and I am sitting here after a long shower. Have read all of your recent messages, as it has been a while since I have been online, and am smiling at your news, your photos, your good wishes. Lindsay, your girls are BEAUTIFUL, Julie your wedding plans are so EXCITING, Alexis your ski trip looks FABULOUS, Giovanna your messages have been so CHEERING, Lisa C. your quote was MOVING, Mary that painting was really TOUCHING, and Chris' photo from up a mast was BREATH-TAKING... well I would say that that's not a bad start to the day, eh? Beautiful, exciting, fabulous, moving, touching, cheering, and breath-taking...!
When I last posted, I was feeling "pretty good" - so much so that I called the hospital to check that they had given me the correct dosage of medication (typical me, I know, control, control...). They informed me that "Yes, you've had the same kind and dosage as you've had the other two rounds", and I hung up the phone thinking "Great!".... and then Friday night arrived, and I realised that Round #3 was really only just beginning. Still better than Round #2, don't get me wrong, but the chemo patrol managed to hit me with a left hook and then a right upper cut, and I spent the weekend in bed feeling miserable admittedly, and requiring an added dose of Chiara's pep talks. When asked what chemo feels like, the image that comes to mind (aside from the awful nausea) is feeling that I am a bug that has been sprayed and that both inside and out my body and wings are wanting to shut down - heavy, achy, feeling literally poisoned, feeling "wrong". I can taste and feel the heat of the chemo on my breath, and you can smell it on my skin. It is powerful stuff, no doubt about it, but then, powerful medicine is the name of the game... and speaking of games... following the left hook and right upper cut, I feigned being knocked out, only to get up again yesterday and deliver one or two blows myself. As the bell is about to ring in a day or so to end this round and give me a tired breather of some days of low cell counts but nothing more, although a breather nonetheless, I'm saying the the bookies are still weighing very heavily in my favour..... Love to you all!

Ahhhhh... What a relief!

Hi Panda,
I hear things are going well, you're still very tired and you have some nausea sometimes, but nothing like after round 2. That is a great relief, isn't it? I'm sure that the very fact that you feel better than you expected makes you feel stronger, mind and body. I can see you on your couch, smiling, with a cup of tea and James sitting next to you :) Well done, Lady, well done.
A hug, G

Sister Love

Hello!!! Alex, like you, it took me a while to realize I needed an invite to join the Blog, and that I wasn't just not ble to find the magic button on the screen to make it all happen. I think I've got it figured out, now. I am sharing a couple of photos of my girls in honor of sister love. Watching you and Chiara from afar, as well as your extended network of sisters rally together, has been amazing and inspirational. I am so grateful that my daughters have sisters!! And I am so glad to be one of yours. More soon if this posting actually works!!!! Lots of love - Lindsay

Photos from the great outdoors~!

Well, here you have it a snow hug from me to you Danda-it was the best I could do from afar! And below are some other pics for your amusement. Jeff being eaten by the whale we found in a clearing, a picture of winter California style. Jeff and I in one of our famous self-portraits (amazingly it works everytime-thank goodness for his long arms!). A winter wood sculpture that I found, it reminded me of a Chinese water dragon-you can see its head towards the back of the photo and long tail coming out from it (no, it is not the drugs Danda, you are seeing what I see)! Me and the snowman family! And lastly a view from our hotel on Lake Tahoe. xoxo

DEEP BREATHS and then some!

Here's a photo that will make your blood start coursing through your veins, white cells and all! The photographer is, quite naturally, your cousin Chris, who just couldn't resist trying out his new mast. Up, up and away! Nothing like a Sunday afternoon spent swinging atop a 65" piece of fiberglass. Thank God, he is berthed on a river and not on a mooring somewhere where he would be swinging like a yoyo! Just thought you would enjoy a mother's angst. What next?! LSC

Thought for the Day

Danda, M'Darlin' - I ran across a rather lovely and thought-provoking quotation yesterday written by Derek Walcott, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1992. He taught and worked in Boston for many years so you may have run across him. He is one of the best authors to have ever come out of the Caribbean. As you see he has kind eyes and is full of face that tells me he has witnessed much. To be able to express, in any art form, that which one has seen is a marvel to me.

"Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than the love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole"

As I read your blog, I sense all that love sent your way, in many forms, be they images or words. The love is truly palpable. It is not easy to lay one's heart open and to be able to express it. Some people resort to Hallmark, which has its place, but your friends and family are making a concerted effort to really "show and tell". Accept their gifts of love which need not be acknowledged, save for your getting stronger every day.

Hugs, Doctor Danda, from LSC

deep breaths!

Danda,

Hope this day finds you well-what is it 5 days since your treatment? I am sure you have it down to the day, hour and minute until you know you are out of the woods and know that this round will not make you feel awful. God knows groggy and tired is better than nauseous.

Well, Jeff and I did indeed see our own snow this weekend in Tahoe. We skied Saturday for our first time this season and agreed that we were a year older and so were our bodies! I complained that my knees ached and after Jeff became a ping pong ball in some trees on one of our runs he felt some back aches later that night. What are you going to do?! 

Today we took it down a notch and went for the most beautiful snow shoe through some meadows at the top of a ridge. The peace and quiet and mostly people-less expanses were just the right way to end a weekend in the snow. I will post pics tomorrow, but we came upon a family of snowman along with the artist, her husband and their lab. Later on our--what does on call it--"shoe" we came upon another snow sculpture, but this time was a whale with mouth wide open. The excitement of coming upon all of this by happenstance made the day all the more special! But it was the beauty of the nature around us that left us with a sense of awe. Cold winds whipping in circles as they worked their way through our hair. The creaking of two trees supporting each other in the winds. A flock of birds sitting atop a grove of trees singing in perfect harmony. The hills of pine creating a backdrop for the trees that lay dormant in front. The scene was one that stays with you until the next time you head to the mountains.

I tell Jeff every weekend we are out in nature or on a run or on our bikes to breathe deeply because this the fresh air that will last you through the week. Indeed we took many deep breaths!

Danda, keep strong, stay positive and breathe deeply when you are able to leave the house again when your white blood cell count increases for those are the breaths that will get you through your next round.

Will post pics from the weekend tomorrow morning!

-Lex

Sunday

Dear Alex,

We're so glad that you are feeling better after Round 3!!! What an inspiration you are to me. I think of you constantly and I remember the poster you had hanging in your various rooms over the years, "Live Gently and with Fire". I think of that poster and how you continue to live your life gracefully, and with such passion. As you fight on, I hope that you are gentle and kind to yourself and passionate about your life. I know you will prevail.

We're doing well over here. It was a balmy 50 degrees in Boston today and I gleefully watched the snow melt as I enjoyed a mellow Sunday of cleaning. I cannot wait for springtime!!! We've been busy with wedding stuff a lot of weekends and next weekend we'll head to Maine to enjoy Valentines weekend skiing.

I'm a bit of a louse with this technical stuff, it's embarassing, but I'll post pics. soon that I think may bring a smile to your face. We are with you in your fight. Much love,

Julie

SNOW - sort of

TGIF! In an email from Alexis, she announces that she and Jeff are headed for Tahoe and tons of snow! Not to be outdone, I hasten to send you OUR version of snow on the mountain which is not too shabby this year. The sun is shining too. Not that it won't be in Tahoe for that area is one of the prettiest places on the planet. Really quite breath-taking. No doubt you will be inundated next week with shots of snowshoeing which is Alexis's latest idea of exercise. Mush on! I am sure you are counting the hours 'til Babbo arrives. Does he speak English or Italian to James? Does Julian teach him Spanish? I just want ot make sure that he has the same curious lexicon that you and Chiara absorbed in your formative years. How many people can swear in English, Italian, Spanish, Danish, French and Portugese? Only you two and the translators at the UN! SSSOOOO glad to hear that Round 3 is a slam-dunk. Keep the faith! Huge hugs from the mountaintop in the Caribbean!

Panda!

This is SOOOOO great!! You feeling so much better than after round 2, your breast and your lymph node shrinking (though at a different rate--well, breasts in our family like to keep small...), there being no need for x-ray tests to check improvement... this is wonderful! You just made my day! A squeeeezing hug!

Pretty in Pink

Alex,

As I talk about you all the time to my family and friends, asking them to send you positive energy, you are in their thoughts as well as mine and I am so proud of you for continuing this fight. As proof of the energy coming your way, I wanted to share an example of how much you are in people's thoughts. My sister-in-law Jennifer (Jimmy's Wife), painted a painting for you and asked me to send it along as a gift from her. This was completely unsolicited from me by the way. I had no idea about it until she put it in my hands. So, it will be coming your way in the mail very soon. I've attached a couple of photographs of the painting so that you can have a sneak peek. The woman in the painting reminds of what you are going through. She wears her scarf on her head and pink ribbon around her neck proudly as a testiment to her strength in her fight against breast cancer. At the same time, she basks in the pink and the flowers and continues to be proud of being a strong woman although her body may not feel that way at times. So my friend, continue to be the amazing woman that you are. I love you and you will find this painting at your door soon. -Mary

Ding, ding, ding... Round #3 is on...

I am lying here in bed, 24 hours after my chemo cocktail, and while not wanting to jinx things too much, I am feeling so much better than I felt in round #2. My docs remind me that the effects can take days, and waver from one to the next, but heck, so far, this round #3 is mine for the taking. I am feeling whoozy but not too nauseous, and just deeply, deeply tired. Mum bravely gave me the shot in my leg to help those white cells keeping producing more white cells, and so I anticipate the aching bones will kick in soon.... but that pain is LIFE in the making, so bring it on. More shots and blood work next week. Was told that I won't be scanned again until the end of my 6 cycles which finish in April. My oncologist felt that my breast had shrunk so significantly that there was no need to put me under more x-rays at this point... the proof was in just looking at me (and might I add some breast fondling?!?) My lymph node has made lesser strides over the past couple of weeks, although still getting smaller, but as Juian reminds me, my lymph nodes are my garbage removers, so they are full of the boob detritus that is having to leave my chest. I am fighting evey minute, and I believe that I can do this, through all the many ups and downs. Yes, so far, Round #3 is mine.

Talking about strength, James is squealing with delight in the background, as he plays with Mum. He now sits up (proof in the picture above!) and loves the bouncer that hangs in our doorway - Duracell Bunny watch your back.... He fuels up on pureed carrots, zucchini, pears, apples, bananas, rice cereal (peas are on the menu tomorrow). His thighs are tree trunks ready to break into a run, his shoulders are broad like his fathers, and his blue eyes melt me with their twinkling. He scrinkles his nose when he smiles, and there is enough strength in his laughs and in his silent "I love you's" to get you through anything. I am the luckiest mother on the planet.

Thank you for the rainbows, the sunshine, the artwork of women in water, the magic of the number "3", and all of the many good wishes and giggles that wash over me in both calm and determination. I love them all. I love you all.

DOG DAYS

Boy, you think you've had a week? Jeez, you don't want to hear what happened to me. Professional Killer, our pest control people came and took a termite nest out of a tree on our property. They then proceeded to spray all around the tree in a very LARGE circle. I ate some grass and all of a sudden felt really whoozy and I came inside and had a seizure right in front of the Missus. By, did she freak out! I don't really remember much but I was rushed to the vet who kept me overnight. I wasn't really overjoyed being caged. I am home now and resting. The only side effect is that the area around my mouth and nose has turned pink. I look like an albino terrier. Cashew has no sympathy, but my owners are letting me sleep on the chair in the living room. I SHOULD HOPE SO! They damn near killed me. I guess this is to say that I sympathize with what you are going through. Stay away from pesticides and don't eat any grass. Hugs and kisses. Peanut

You are FABULOUS!

FABULOUS VEGAS!

Danda,

You have done it! Survived another round! I know you still have follow up shots tomorrow, but you got through the thing you were dreading. Whoozy and all you are still here with us and that makes me happy! Pat yourself on the back for your bravery and courage to keep up the fight.

I send you this message from FABULOUS Las Vegas! I am here for work if you can believe it. I made it to the strip last night to see all the glitz and glam. Everything in Vegas is so BIG! It is a riot. Remember when you, Chiara and Geoff visited Vegas. Good memories! Keep focused on all the great memories your mind can take you to as you rest and recover and dream of all the memories you wish to make when you are better. REMEMBER this crappy feeling you are experiencing right now is making you better so stay positive- we are rooting for you cuz! All my love, big hug, Lex

SUNSHINE

DANDA! Eve and I must be on the same wave length thinking about sunshine. I took my camera out in the garden this AM. It was early. I love the third picture with the structure of the ferns so clearly visible. Rather like an Xray. The other fern frons with its tip curled up also seems to say, "ah, how warm the day will be".

I suggest that when the snow finally melts and the sun comes out you go into your patio and pretend to be a fern. As John Denver used to sing "Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy!" The sun will come out. Trust me. You will feel it's warmth even on the coldest day when James's big pink cheeks turn apple red and he smiles at you and makes you feel all warm inside.

I can't wait to meet him. Meanwhile give him big kisses from LSC and BIGGER ONES TO YOU!

Wishing for Sunnier Skys!!

Hello My Friend!!


I was chatting with Julian today on instant messager and we were both missing the warm weather and sunshine. It reminded me of our fun in the sun and this rainbow picture. Remember how many times I took the picture because it changed every second? Well now it reminds me so much more of you both and all the changes you have gone through good and bad!


It also as we all know symbolizes so many things for so many people, and of cousre the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Let's focus on that pot and hit it soon!! I know it will come and this picture proves that! We all saw this together and we will see it together again soon. My thoughts are with you all this week after round three and I hear your feeling well and I'm so happy for that! I hurt every day thinking of you going through this. I love you!! My thoughts are with you all this week and always!!

Eve

FALLING FLAKES

Dearest Danda -

It is late here in STT, and you are probably headed, head down, to the hospital for the latest assault. In all honesty, I should say that I will exchange myself with you. Again, in all honesty, I am not sure. So there is my "humanity" front and center! But, as you know me, deep down, you know I would, if I could.

But to other things - The picture of your patio, snowbound, was an enchantment in its special monochromatic way. I hasten to have you look further at it. Indeed, look into it. Surely you realize that in that small space of ivy-covered walls and frigid wrought-iron furniture, millions upon millions of snowflakes lie intertwined in a froth of white ice; EACH UNIQUE; ONE-OF-A-KIND! Now step outside your door onto Stratford Road. Now head down Kensington High Street, walk through Kensington Gardens, head in which ever direction you choose, and there is London laid low by something we truly cannot explain beyond the lack of proper winter preparation. Picture the Himalayas, snow-crowned; Mt. Fujiyama; Mt. Monadanock for that matter; the Andes.....Gazillions of snow flakes, each different and unique? I can't prove it, but I hear tell it is true. As Isabella would say, "Wowsie, wow, wow!". I have to take a huge leap of faith to even begin to comprehend it. When you are at your lowest ebb, physically, think about this remarkable phenomena. It will probably put you to sleep, perchance to dream, and when you wake, it will be a few hours later on the road to feeling better, stronger. One step at a time, one hour, one minute. One snowflake.

By the way, check out the picture of Westminster Bridge taken February 2nd. It reminds me of the following composed many years ago, albeit on a warmer day!

Earth hath not anything to show more fair;

Dull would he be of sprirt who could pass by

A sight so touching in its majesty;

The city now doth, like a garment, wear

The beauty of the morning; silent, bare,

Ships, towers, domes, theatres and temples lie

Open unto the fields and to the sky,

All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.

Never did sun more beautifully steep

In its first splendor valley, rock, or hill;

Ne,er saw I, never felt a calm so deep!

The river glideth at his own sweet will:

Dear God! The very houses seem asleep;

And all that mighty heart is lying still!

Read that to the commuters from Wimbledon the other morning! They would have lynched you! But, as you say, NOT IN BOSTON! Let's hear one for the Colonies!

Take care, lovely lady. LSC

Good omens of number 3

Chinese say that 3 is a lucky number, because the sound of the word is like the sound of the Chinese word “life”, and it must, therefore, share some of its meaning. Three is also the perfect number in many cultures and religions. How could it not be? Just look at the perfect family unit: Panda-Julian-James :) . The Greek alphabet letter that stands for a guttural “g” is the third one. Of course, this stands for “Go, Panda, go!!”. Three are also Julius Cesar’s most famous words after a successful battle, “Veni, vidi, vici”. Alessandra will be the one to speak them next!

Ciao bella

What a great idea! Alexis and Alessandra, thank you very much for
asking me to join.
It was so nice to read Alessandra's posting and knowing how everything is going,
and how you feel. I miss you very much. I hope to see you soon, whenever you want.
On Monday on my way to work at 6:45 am, I really felt I was in a fairytale...London was so
quite and beautiful, so unique. Alessandra's photo does remind me of it!
"In bocca al lupo" for tomorrow, be strong and think that we are all beside you and fighting
with you, you are not alone. Un forte bacio e abbraccio.

ROUND 3

Ok, here's the deal. It is fairly obvious from looking at the above pictures that I do not know how to massage the Internet. I went to Google and typed in "images of boxers" as I intended to write something about.....Announcer: And in one corner DOCTOR DANDA wiley, cunning fighter with superb tactics, techniques and a retinue of handlers. Wearing her unassuming beige, greige, black and brown robe and acid green shorts, she is a fighter of the first order!. In the other corner CANCER, sinister, known for hitting below the belt, going on the attack with every type of unfair advantage wearing devil-red shorts and a supercilious smirk. Round 3 is about to begin. Rounds 1 & 2 were definitely called in DOCTOR DANDA's favor. Betters are putting their money on DANDA in this next round......... You catch my drift? But low and behold, look what images came up! BOXERS, but not the ones I had asked for. Given the top picure, I would focus on it as you go through your next rigor. The dogs are cute, but they slobber. Maybe I should have Googled "fighters" but would I have gotten firemen, airplanes? Hugs and more hugs, LSC

Keep strong and fear not we are with you!

Danda,

I love your picture! Snow in London! Such a rarity no wonder it brought you and Julian back to your Boston days. Good news is there is no shoveling out your car from the snow that piles up overnight during such dustings! It is only nature there for you to enjoy and admire. Keep warm!

I truly sympathize with your apprehension for your next round of chemo. There is nothing that sounds fun about it. I guess the only thing that you can force your mind to tell your body and soul is that ironically this is meant to make you better. And if you can tough it out, it just might. Don't be afraid...mummy, Chiara and Julian will be there to hold you. And Babbo, Nanny and all your friends and family afar will be sending you positive vibes for a speedy recovery from this round.

If you can take this image with you as you undergo the next treatment. It is by a local San Francisco artist who I love, Eric Zener. He paints large scale images that focus mostly on women in water. I find his images to be calm and peaceful because of the woman under water, but powerful at the same time as she pushes off from the wall and exhales her air in order to propel herself through the water. The woman reminds me of you. Maybe think back to swimming in Cooperstown in the lake or the pool with that blue green water, but on a warm summer's day where the water temperature was just warm enough to keep you in for hours.

Be strong!! Propel yourself through and you will come out on the other side a little closer to the end of these treatments. I LOVE YOU immensely! I will be thinking of you...

Alexis

Thoughts on a snowy morning.

I woke up this morning to this beautiful scene of my patio... James' first glimpse of snow, which he reacted to with wide eyes, drool and an excited babble. Julian and I smiled as we both said it reminded us of Boston. And we laughed out loud as we watched the news on television that announced that the city's trains are at a standstill. Bostonians would be mocking us if only they knew what panic 10 inches of powder can wreak on the poor Brits....

Hard to believe that round #3 of chemo is in 48 hours. I have been anxious this weekend, despite my pep talks to myself. A combination of knowing what is in store (ignorance was bliss to some degree first time around) and hoping so badly to continue to see the chemo's tangible/visible effect on my cancer. Chiara, as always, talks me through those times in the wonderful way that only she knows how - factual (yes, you have cancer, and you have to accept it), nurturing (your body is healing with every day, just look at the ground you have covered already), patient (your recovery will take time, give yourself time to heal, it won't happen overnight), and loving (we are with you all the way, and we just know you're going to make it). Mum and Julian too are the most wonderful of morale boosters, and my father (an experienced master of the webcam) starts and closes my day with affection from afar. I am the luckiest of people to have that team, not to mention all the friends and family whose presence I feel all the time. I just need to get my mind under better control when, as the Brits say, it "throws a wobbly", while also learning to do what I still find so hard - letting go of control!

My cup of green tea awaits, as James looks at me with his big blue eyes, and smiles.

Go to greener pastures

What a beautiful day in Sausalito! I rose early...7am! On a Sunday! As Jeff would say I must have just been excited to see the day! And for good reason, when I wake just as the sun is rising I get to see the sun turn the hillside pink and buildings across the way gold. And I find morning to be so calm and quiet it sometimes makes me think the sun rose just for me as I peer out to nature to see what it has brought me in the dark of night. 

Sometimes on the weekends I even sleep with the curtains wide open which in the daylight affords me an expansive view of a mountain called Mount Tam which rises in the distance. Again Jeff calls me out on wanting the sun to wake me in the morning so I don't miss a minute of daylight.  And who can blame me on the weekends when the day is mine to do with as I please.

One can hardly believe it is almost February in California with the weather we have been having (sorry, east coaster Eve!) it was in the 70s today with no wind.  I muddled on the small patch of hillside behind our house where the owners of our rental planted a Meyer Lemon Tree, and Olive Tree, Rosemary and Lavender! I consider it a blessing to have  such a variety of herbs at my disposal so I have been working hard to keep them alive.  I look forward to planting more herbs and some flowers if a shade tree that will bloom come spring will allow me.

Think of blue skies, green trees and the earth this week Alessandra--there are so many happy memories you have of all of the above.  Go to Cooperstown in your mind-what beautiful country it was! I love you!

Lex

Super Bowl Sunday!!

Hello All,

Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Of cousre were not into this one as The Patriots are not in it.

So Alex it's acutally quiet here for a change through a super bowl. No Stephen yelling and banging the furniture. I for one am happy for that. You I'm sure would be bored and taking his tempeture.

I love James's hat. And boy is he cute!! I need to see that little one in person. In case you don't regonize the photo that's the Patriot cheerleaders in the parade after they won there second super bowl. For the Boston group you know what I'm talking about.

So Alex be a line backer and get through this next round like a super bowl champ!!

We love you!!!!

Eve