Or, the title is close to that....It's an old song by Cheryl Crow. I used it myself when I had newly moved to SF and new no one. But, to me, it is about taking flight, new beginnings, and maintaining strength. I think of you, Alex, when you ran the Tufts 10k here in Boston. I remember what you told me about all those women running and the collective strength that was almost palpable on that day. I hope that you hear this song and remember that day, and that we are all with you on this long run.
Much love, Julie
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Cancer Fight Tunes
Ok. The title needs work. But I'm still grooving on the idea of creating a mix of rockin' toones to support Alex in her ultimate workout. Alex's Aunt (I think I have that connection right...tag name LSC) took it to the next level -- this could ultimately be a tool that could be spread far and wide, all proceeds to benefit the cause. So, come on everyone, send me your favorite dance/workout tunes, and I'll start the compilation process. All you have to do is reply to this post and simply type the title, and artist if you know it. Any attached background stories are welcome but not required! We've got "I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again" by Chumbawumba. I'm going to add "Soul Sister" in honor of the sisterhood around Alex, and the sisterhood of breast cancer fighters. And I think we have to add "I Will Survive." Brings out the inner powerful Diva in all listeners, after all. All styles of hype are welcome!! - Lindsay
FULL STEAM AHEAD
You are the locomotive fueled, currently by chemo. Look at all that black smoke. It is the cancer being reduced to particles and thrown to the winds. Visualize this: when I was really young and stupid, we used to put pennies on the train tracks and wait for the sound of the train whistle in the distance. Sometimes, in high anticipation, we put our hands on the track to see if we could feel the far-off rumble. What were we thinking!!? Where were our parents?!! The train would come barreling round the bend and over the pennies. Think of your tumors as pennies. Enough said. xoxoxoxoxoxLSC
A Gift for You!
To Our Dearest Alex - I think I can speak for the collective blog group when I say that we are pulling for you every step of the way. I found this drawing and I love it. I thought it might be a good image for you when you are in your lowest lows and also in your highest highs. Picture the one figure with the heart as all your friends and family, who although far and near, are sending our hearts to you every moment of every day. We love you my friend.
Hello there!
Hi Panda,
It's good to see that the day after the chemo you are already able to write. Your tone is more positive than in your last two posts, the targeted fight ahead contributes to the morale! The focus of a targeted fight certainly gives you more control over the situation. That's very good. I liked hearing you determined, aggressive and yet suave as usual. I like to see the Mediterranean you lifting its head and aggressively and angrily fight. It's also good that you let the Anglo-Saxon you keep you positive, optimistic, and always ready to grasp the good of things.
I don't know what would be the best of the two possible outcomes from the CT scans. I don't know what each implies on the long run in terms of getting you as quickly and as effectively as possible to remission, so I don't know what to wish you. I'm sure Dr. Plowman will suggest the best course of action, and will find you very collaborative, whichever the path to take.
Carissima, I miss you. I wish I could be with you and help you heal somehow or just help you vent in your down moments. You're in my thoughts every day. A big hug.
It's good to see that the day after the chemo you are already able to write. Your tone is more positive than in your last two posts, the targeted fight ahead contributes to the morale! The focus of a targeted fight certainly gives you more control over the situation. That's very good. I liked hearing you determined, aggressive and yet suave as usual. I like to see the Mediterranean you lifting its head and aggressively and angrily fight. It's also good that you let the Anglo-Saxon you keep you positive, optimistic, and always ready to grasp the good of things.
I don't know what would be the best of the two possible outcomes from the CT scans. I don't know what each implies on the long run in terms of getting you as quickly and as effectively as possible to remission, so I don't know what to wish you. I'm sure Dr. Plowman will suggest the best course of action, and will find you very collaborative, whichever the path to take.
Carissima, I miss you. I wish I could be with you and help you heal somehow or just help you vent in your down moments. You're in my thoughts every day. A big hug.
In the ring again.
Dear All,
I am lying in bed, given that the effects of the chemo seem to have hit more immediately this time around. No nausea - just a strange, uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, and the taste of chemo in my mouth which I can't get rid of. It's the tiredness that knocks me sideways... literally like the plug has been pulled out of me and there's that computer message on my body screen saying "Shutting down...." So I went to bed at 8:30 last night, slept about 10 hours, only to wake up and after breakfast sleep another two hours... and another nap seems imminent. Have snuck in lots of James kisses in between which always do a world of good. Need to work on food intake, but the thought of food is pretty unappealing. Bring on the fresh vegetable juices!
Saw Dr. Plowman yesterday, and asked for the pep talk. In his warm, yet factual way, he did his best to give me peace of mind while also addressing the questions that I had. Looks like the boob seems to be contuining to respond well, while my lymph node seems to have plateaued in its shrinking following its initial drastic change when I started the chemo process. So, Dr. Plowman wants to let this fourth round do its work, and then rescan me via CT on the 9th, in two weeks' time, to see how the metastases have responded. Options include continuing as we are doing, changing the chemo protocol for the last two rounds, or doing surgery sooner in between cycles to get the lymph node (and breast tumour too maybe?) out. We shall see. So it is full steam ahead for the next fortnight, and then discussion of the game plan following the scan. I am nervous on one hand, and still very hopeful on the other. The main thing is knowing what I'm up against, so that the fight remains targeted, strong and successful. Gotta get the music right, the sights set on that finish line no matter how long the road and how many twists in it, and the body in steady gear. I will get there - failure is not an option, take it from a Type A, Grade A personality!!!! Love to you all.
I am lying in bed, given that the effects of the chemo seem to have hit more immediately this time around. No nausea - just a strange, uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, and the taste of chemo in my mouth which I can't get rid of. It's the tiredness that knocks me sideways... literally like the plug has been pulled out of me and there's that computer message on my body screen saying "Shutting down...." So I went to bed at 8:30 last night, slept about 10 hours, only to wake up and after breakfast sleep another two hours... and another nap seems imminent. Have snuck in lots of James kisses in between which always do a world of good. Need to work on food intake, but the thought of food is pretty unappealing. Bring on the fresh vegetable juices!
Saw Dr. Plowman yesterday, and asked for the pep talk. In his warm, yet factual way, he did his best to give me peace of mind while also addressing the questions that I had. Looks like the boob seems to be contuining to respond well, while my lymph node seems to have plateaued in its shrinking following its initial drastic change when I started the chemo process. So, Dr. Plowman wants to let this fourth round do its work, and then rescan me via CT on the 9th, in two weeks' time, to see how the metastases have responded. Options include continuing as we are doing, changing the chemo protocol for the last two rounds, or doing surgery sooner in between cycles to get the lymph node (and breast tumour too maybe?) out. We shall see. So it is full steam ahead for the next fortnight, and then discussion of the game plan following the scan. I am nervous on one hand, and still very hopeful on the other. The main thing is knowing what I'm up against, so that the fight remains targeted, strong and successful. Gotta get the music right, the sights set on that finish line no matter how long the road and how many twists in it, and the body in steady gear. I will get there - failure is not an option, take it from a Type A, Grade A personality!!!! Love to you all.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
A Step Closer
I am inspired by all the wisdom and words on this site and so happy that Alex can have one place to go and collect more connections. I am also glad that there were opportunities for fun in between rounds 3 & 4 - play dates, walks, and bubble baths are good medicine too. Alex, you are one step closer to round 6, your body is strong, and the chemo is doing its job. I am sorry that for it to work, it has to hurt, but it is one more sign that your body is healing. In my prayers, I pray that the low moments will be few and the brighter times will come quickly this round. Afterall, James may be looking for another date soon! Thanks for the updates and good night from California.
music
Alexis' last post made me imagine a mix that we could put together of all our favorite fight/dance/positive trance music. Imagine the ultimate, most inspiring workout mix. What are your favorites? We can start with Chumbawumba and grow from there...
- Lindsay
- Lindsay
Katherine, I like the way you and your team think! Humor and vulgarity are a great match! I salute you and the "F#*&% You" to cancer!
Alessandra, I hope you made it through. I have a sneaky suspicion that your determination lead the way and that your yellow cape (or turquoise as the case may be-remember silence is a virtue, I hope you like it! ) saw you through your treatment and will swaddle you in the days to come as you experience the hideous affects of it.
Ok, so here comes the pep talk from your cuz! Last week I endured another spin class. Doyle was my instructor who had taught several classes that day so he taught mine from "off the bike" as they like to call it--always inspirational when someone is barking out orders, but not doing it themselves. I digress. Class was broken into three sections. The first section we were riding at incremental clips trying to continue to ride hard and strong despite our legs tiring over time. The music was helping push us along in the way that only electronica can put you in that pounding trance. And then as we were nearing exhaustion Doyle said now I want you to turn it up a notch, ride at your absolute max until the end of the song. And then, the music slowed. It became this lethargic, steam engine going up will with no steam beat. With that the wind was knocked out my sails. My legs slowed. My body stopped being relaxed and instead of being fluid everything tightened. I wanted to scream! I wanted to tell Doyle that his song choice really sucked and that I could have actually finished strong if he hadn't brought be down with his "you're getting very sleepy" music.
I continued class in much the same demeanor-wanting to yell at Doyle again when we were spinning our legs as fast as we could to fast paced Irish jig music on our descent from the big hill we had just finished climbing to electronica beats before. He reminded us we are on a VERY steep, long hill and I thought to myself...I didn't know you could bike down Everest!? Then along came the third section of just riding and this time it was African drumbeats. I felt at home. At ease. And like I could keep going like this forever. I went to my happy place!
So the moral of this story is there will always be something working against you, trying to pull you back, trying to slow you down, but it is up to you to fight back and regain focus on what you are trying to accomplish-the hill you are trying to climb. The road will seem long and endless, but it is a journey ,so you have to ride down the road. It is how you choose to use your mind to approach the road and ride its length that is up to you. But for God sake listen to good music on the ride-it can change everything. Throw out the Sting album that I know you love and put in Chumbawamba those 90's one hit wonders who sang the, "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never going to keep me down" song. Make the music powerful, invigorating and happy and you will get through!! I know you will Alessandra!
Ok, so here comes the pep talk from your cuz! Last week I endured another spin class. Doyle was my instructor who had taught several classes that day so he taught mine from "off the bike" as they like to call it--always inspirational when someone is barking out orders, but not doing it themselves. I digress. Class was broken into three sections. The first section we were riding at incremental clips trying to continue to ride hard and strong despite our legs tiring over time. The music was helping push us along in the way that only electronica can put you in that pounding trance. And then as we were nearing exhaustion Doyle said now I want you to turn it up a notch, ride at your absolute max until the end of the song. And then, the music slowed. It became this lethargic, steam engine going up will with no steam beat. With that the wind was knocked out my sails. My legs slowed. My body stopped being relaxed and instead of being fluid everything tightened. I wanted to scream! I wanted to tell Doyle that his song choice really sucked and that I could have actually finished strong if he hadn't brought be down with his "you're getting very sleepy" music.
I continued class in much the same demeanor-wanting to yell at Doyle again when we were spinning our legs as fast as we could to fast paced Irish jig music on our descent from the big hill we had just finished climbing to electronica beats before. He reminded us we are on a VERY steep, long hill and I thought to myself...I didn't know you could bike down Everest!? Then along came the third section of just riding and this time it was African drumbeats. I felt at home. At ease. And like I could keep going like this forever. I went to my happy place!
So the moral of this story is there will always be something working against you, trying to pull you back, trying to slow you down, but it is up to you to fight back and regain focus on what you are trying to accomplish-the hill you are trying to climb. The road will seem long and endless, but it is a journey ,so you have to ride down the road. It is how you choose to use your mind to approach the road and ride its length that is up to you. But for God sake listen to good music on the ride-it can change everything. Throw out the Sting album that I know you love and put in Chumbawamba those 90's one hit wonders who sang the, "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never going to keep me down" song. Make the music powerful, invigorating and happy and you will get through!! I know you will Alessandra!
SPINACH!!?!
Yes James, SPINACH!"But Mummy, it is not really yummy."
O yes it is, James. Ever since Popeye downed his first batch, strength was his for the asking. Spinach makes you larger than life! It is full of nutrients, just ask Uncle Anthony. It grows sweaters on your teeth. It has oxalic acid in it, the ester or salt of which is used in cleaning agents. Now this makes no sense because when you eat spinach there is always one little piece that sticks between one of your front teeth. Ask your grandmother, it's true. When I was growing up spinach came in BIG leaves and when it was cooked it was nasty and stringy. My grandfather promply fixed that. He made creamed spinach with heavy cream and butter and salt and pepper and always a touch of nutmeg. You must learn what herbs and spices enhance the worst tastes. Anyway, creamed spinach became a favorite. Now Baby spinach is all the rage. Little leaves piled high on a pretty plate. Douse them with a citrus viagrette and throw on some bacon bits (big sin!) and perhaps some thinly sliced orange and a little red onion. With all those drapings you forget it is SPINACH! So slurp on, little one! Eat your spinach and then the next time you are in your bath with your rubber duckies, poop. You want to see Gran levitate?
Spinach is REALLY good stuff! LSC
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
We can do it!
Dear Alessandra,
It's 6:53 am now in London, you have probably just woken up--or will wake up soon, thinking of your round 4 coming in just a few hours. Deep breeeeaaaath here... Be brave, once again. It's going to be a roller-coaster again, but in the end this round, like the previous ones, will make you feel better. Remember: you can do it. You can do it. You can do it! And all your friends and loved ones are behind you. *We* can do it!
(Hey, I had never noticed that Rosie (in the picture) wears a head scarf like yours!)
Alex and her beautiful creation!!
Hello My friend,
First I want to say Alexis that was a beautiful letter, I'm so glad you spoke for all of us and the guilt Alex feels that she should not. We all know how hard it is to keep up on a daily basis let alone when your not feeling up to par. So thank you for that, Alex I hope you have gotten over the guilt and get better!! Damn!! That's all we care about as should you!! Don't worry about us!! It's time we worry about you!!!
This is your person talking!!! And your cousin couldn't have said it better.
Our thoughts are with you and best of luck with round 3. You have done so well, were all proud of you, you will get through this. Stephen tonight could only say he wants so badly to hug you. As you know in the Stephen fashion I heard it about a dozen times till it started to get to me. See nothing changes! I thought you'd like this picture of your beautiful creation (besides James) I expect to see these flowers by the pool soon! It was a lovely sight as we entered Aliseda. I'm counting on many more visits and many more creations.
I love you!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox's
The Highlight of my Day
Dear All,
On the eve of Round #4 of chemo, I am as ready for tomorrow as I will ever be. I have fed my body well, I have exercised on a long walk, and I have conjured up that fighting spirit to take the upcoming medicine with both hands and a salute to healing. But admittedly, what has been the best mental and emotional preparation has been my wonderful James, who has given me smiles and kisses and so many reasons to laugh out loud today. I have attached a couple of those moments: his splish splashing in the bath when Gran gave him the surprise of three rubber duckies, and his savoury introduction to spinach (he just LOVES food)! He is such a joy. Good night and love and hugs to you all.
Be Brave!
I have held onto this image that I found on the internet when I started my first job in the "real world". And throughout the years I have saved it as my work computer's desktop image on my when times got tough. It reminded me to not take my life too seriously, but to be brave, take risks and that when you jump a little yellow cape would catch me.As you approach your next round of chemo maybe this little wingman will put a smile on your face and remind you to be brave! I love you, go get 'em!!
The ESSENCE of SILENCE
"Whose woods are these, I think I know"........ They are mine in Lincolnville after the latest salvo from above. The two humps in the middle of the picture are Dianne's Adirondack chairs. Isn't this image the essence of silence? To me, it is as if the trees were holding their breath. I can't hear any wind in the branches or the shivering chirp of a bird or the scurrying of a mouse under the snowy blanket. Such silence is pure. Perfect. Just as your "silence" is when we do not hear from you. We know what you are "saying" to us. We know what you are thinking. It need not be expressed in writing, or over the phone. Your "silence" is a powerful message to us. It says we are connected on another level or plain. Somewhere, out there, we are able to touch each other and just be still. Yes? LSC
Just Get Well!
Panda, I perfectly agree with Lindsay and Alexis. I think that none of the people who write you on this blog and the others who use other ways of communicating expect any kind of reply or acknowledgment. We just want our cheers and verbal "caresses" to make you feel pampered and stronger. In fact, the best way for you to "return the kindness" is to get well, and soon!
Monday, February 23, 2009
more guilt free
This image goes with my post below. It was included in a testimonial I was reading online from a woman who discovered the freedom and weightlessness of life without guilt. It is called "The Dancing Life." I like the image. I like the title. I like the sentiment. Hope you do, too.
- Lindsay
NO GUILT
Here here to Alexis' last post!! Alex, you take care of you and do exactly what you need to do for yourself, body mind and soul, and we are all cheering you on and want nothing more from you than that. It is not silence on your part. It is work. No guilt. No guilt. No guilt. Love love love love love love love - Lindsay
You are my sunshine part II
Alessandra- may I first say I have never seen you look so beautiful! You look like an Italian beauty with your colorful scarf wrapped 'round your head, sophisticated black turtleneck and single bangle as if to say I do not need more than this to make a statement. You are a beautiful woman.
I am so glad to hear that you were able to get out on a play date and see James interact with the other wee ones. I know that must be a very satisfying part of motherhood to witness your child interacting with the world around them. And of course, his little friends are international just like you! and that will serve him well I am sure.
I think it is meaningful that you wrote about your guilty "silence" in trying to manage socializing, spending time with loved ones and the desire to reach out via phone or otherwise. I can imagine that everyone on this blog fully understands the struggle you are up against in trying to keep all the balls in the air and at the same time concentrate on healing yourself. The problem is we all suffer from wanting to do more than our bodies and the 24 hour clock allow us to. It shows we are active participants in life and that is good! All of us striving to reach out, stay connected and show our friends and family that we care. And care we do...that you take care of you! The phone calls, the visits, the returning of emails can all wait until you have the strength again to add some more balls the juggling act. But for now, let that guilt go and be silent. Your body needs rest. Your minds needs to focus. And your heart will continue to be filled daily with all of us wishing you well and healing you the best way we know how through encouragement and love and the desire to see you through another day in your fight against cancer.
As you come up on your next round, don't talk yourself out of the fight. Talk yourself into the fight along with your chemo that is a great fighter, but not a fair fighter since it fights with poison. You are a fighter that fights with your mind, body and soul. Together I think your are a good team and are in this fight together for better or worse so start psyching yourself into the fact that you are working VERY hard, but for a very good cause.
I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART! AND all the bright yellow sunshine that I can shine on you (that picture I posted before was supposed to sit with this post, but my new Mac computer was being very uncooperative despite Jeff trying to run to the rescue.
I am so glad to hear that you were able to get out on a play date and see James interact with the other wee ones. I know that must be a very satisfying part of motherhood to witness your child interacting with the world around them. And of course, his little friends are international just like you! and that will serve him well I am sure.
I think it is meaningful that you wrote about your guilty "silence" in trying to manage socializing, spending time with loved ones and the desire to reach out via phone or otherwise. I can imagine that everyone on this blog fully understands the struggle you are up against in trying to keep all the balls in the air and at the same time concentrate on healing yourself. The problem is we all suffer from wanting to do more than our bodies and the 24 hour clock allow us to. It shows we are active participants in life and that is good! All of us striving to reach out, stay connected and show our friends and family that we care. And care we do...that you take care of you! The phone calls, the visits, the returning of emails can all wait until you have the strength again to add some more balls the juggling act. But for now, let that guilt go and be silent. Your body needs rest. Your minds needs to focus. And your heart will continue to be filled daily with all of us wishing you well and healing you the best way we know how through encouragement and love and the desire to see you through another day in your fight against cancer.
As you come up on your next round, don't talk yourself out of the fight. Talk yourself into the fight along with your chemo that is a great fighter, but not a fair fighter since it fights with poison. You are a fighter that fights with your mind, body and soul. Together I think your are a good team and are in this fight together for better or worse so start psyching yourself into the fact that you are working VERY hard, but for a very good cause.
I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART! AND all the bright yellow sunshine that I can shine on you (that picture I posted before was supposed to sit with this post, but my new Mac computer was being very uncooperative despite Jeff trying to run to the rescue.
Beautiful as ever
Dear Alessandra,
It was great reading that you feel stronger and you had a proper outing! Most of all, I loved the pictures. They speak more than all the words you could write. You are as beautiful as ever, which I read as a testament to your strength in this hard time. I’m sure you had never thought of wearing a head scarf like that before, but you really look cute and beautiful in it. I think of you every day (and clearly I’m not the only one). Many many warm hugs for your dark moments. Hang in there!
It was great reading that you feel stronger and you had a proper outing! Most of all, I loved the pictures. They speak more than all the words you could write. You are as beautiful as ever, which I read as a testament to your strength in this hard time. I’m sure you had never thought of wearing a head scarf like that before, but you really look cute and beautiful in it. I think of you every day (and clearly I’m not the only one). Many many warm hugs for your dark moments. Hang in there!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Being Human
Alex - As much as I love hearing your strength and courage and tenacity, I also appreicate hearing about your human moments. Because I have them, too. I'm sure that everyone who is connected on this blog, everyone who loves you so, has those human moments. That is part of what draws us so close and creates the power of this forum. My latest human moment overtook me while snowshoeing. I found myself thinking of you and couldn't stop crying, and finally just cried on my knees in the snow in the woods. It was crushing and relieving and I miss you. I'm glad to hear your humam moments are getting to flow, too. I'm watching the Oscars right now, and so wish you were next to me. I have never watched an awards show with a more appreciative audience than you! Although I have to say, there has been nobody, quite literally, who is more beautiful, elegant, and inspring than you. Love, as always, from Vermont (where we are getting snow at a rate of 1-3 inches per hour, and have been all day) -- Lindsay
ps - Chris and I went to a movie last night...first time in I don't even remember how long...and saw Slum Dog Millionaire (they are cleaning up at the Oscars, so far). I love picturing you watcing the same film, and I wish we could debrief over a cup of really hot tea -- just the way you like it!
ps - Chris and I went to a movie last night...first time in I don't even remember how long...and saw Slum Dog Millionaire (they are cleaning up at the Oscars, so far). I love picturing you watcing the same film, and I wish we could debrief over a cup of really hot tea -- just the way you like it!
FROM PAC typed by by secretary LSC
Dear Alessandra
Just read your latest blog and was delighted you can sound so upbeat. Go for it! I follow every move you make and wish you well. So glad the chemo is working and though it is a terrible ordeal, you are living through it like a martyr. The best news is your "I'm going to lick this thing". AND YOU WILL with an attitude like that. Stay the course and God Bless. (Remember the small pewter box you gave me on my 80th - TUTTO E POSSIBILE) Peter
Just read your latest blog and was delighted you can sound so upbeat. Go for it! I follow every move you make and wish you well. So glad the chemo is working and though it is a terrible ordeal, you are living through it like a martyr. The best news is your "I'm going to lick this thing". AND YOU WILL with an attitude like that. Stay the course and God Bless. (Remember the small pewter box you gave me on my 80th - TUTTO E POSSIBILE) Peter
MUSINGS
Dearest Danda
Let's reverse gears and return to some of the "collections" we all shared. I collect odd little books between whose pages are musings by others far more erudite and talented than myself. The pages more often than not speak to relatively deep things - vices, virtues or vanities. One such dog-eared, water stained treasure is titled WORDS TO LIVE BY - a Treasury of Inspiration and Wisdom Selected and Interpreted by 84 Eminent Men and Women. It was published in 1948 and much that is found between its covers is "spot on" today. Page 140 begins with ON PEACE OF MIND by Joshua Loth Liebman - a clergyman and author -
Once, as a young man full of exuberant fancy, I undertook to draw up a catalogue of the acknowledged "goods" of life...........I set down my inventory of earthly desirables: health, love, beauty, talent, power, riches and fame...........I proudly showed it to a wise elder who had been the mentor and spiritual model of my youth. "This," I told him confidently, "is the sum of mortal goods. Could a man possess them all, he would be as a god."
At the corners of my friend's old eyes, I saw wrinkles of amusement gathering in a patient net. "An excellent list," he said pondering it thoughtfully.........you have omitted the most important element of all. You have forgotten the one ingredient, lacking which each possession becomes a hideous torment." With a pencil stub he crossed out my entire schedule..........and wrote down three syllables: peace of mind. "This is the gift that God reserves for His special proteges", he said.
"Talent and beauty He gives to many. Wealth is commonplace, fame not rare. but peace of mind.....is the fondest insignia of His love".......He scanned the doubt on my forhead. "this is no private opinion of mine, he explained. "I am merely paraphrasing from the Psalmists, Marcus Aurelius and Lao-tse. 'God', says each of these wise ones, 'heaps worldly gifts at the feet of foolish men. But on my head pour only the sweet waters of serenity. Give me the gift of the Untroubled Mind.'"
If I could find this "fondest insignia of His love", I would stamp it on your forehead in indelible ink. Unfortunately, we have to find it for ourselves, but believe me, I pray daily that it can be yours. LSC
Let's reverse gears and return to some of the "collections" we all shared. I collect odd little books between whose pages are musings by others far more erudite and talented than myself. The pages more often than not speak to relatively deep things - vices, virtues or vanities. One such dog-eared, water stained treasure is titled WORDS TO LIVE BY - a Treasury of Inspiration and Wisdom Selected and Interpreted by 84 Eminent Men and Women. It was published in 1948 and much that is found between its covers is "spot on" today. Page 140 begins with ON PEACE OF MIND by Joshua Loth Liebman - a clergyman and author -
Once, as a young man full of exuberant fancy, I undertook to draw up a catalogue of the acknowledged "goods" of life...........I set down my inventory of earthly desirables: health, love, beauty, talent, power, riches and fame...........I proudly showed it to a wise elder who had been the mentor and spiritual model of my youth. "This," I told him confidently, "is the sum of mortal goods. Could a man possess them all, he would be as a god."
At the corners of my friend's old eyes, I saw wrinkles of amusement gathering in a patient net. "An excellent list," he said pondering it thoughtfully.........you have omitted the most important element of all. You have forgotten the one ingredient, lacking which each possession becomes a hideous torment." With a pencil stub he crossed out my entire schedule..........and wrote down three syllables: peace of mind. "This is the gift that God reserves for His special proteges", he said.
"Talent and beauty He gives to many. Wealth is commonplace, fame not rare. but peace of mind.....is the fondest insignia of His love".......He scanned the doubt on my forhead. "this is no private opinion of mine, he explained. "I am merely paraphrasing from the Psalmists, Marcus Aurelius and Lao-tse. 'God', says each of these wise ones, 'heaps worldly gifts at the feet of foolish men. But on my head pour only the sweet waters of serenity. Give me the gift of the Untroubled Mind.'"
If I could find this "fondest insignia of His love", I would stamp it on your forehead in indelible ink. Unfortunately, we have to find it for ourselves, but believe me, I pray daily that it can be yours. LSC
A bundle of babies
Dearest Danda,
Thank you for the lovely photograph of you, James and your pre-birth friends and the products, it was so good to see you and James with the others. I will think of you this week every day and wish you all the strength you need, your bravery is contageous and will keep us all thinking positive thoughts for you, which, however far away we are, will surely get to you and give you a little, we hope a lot, more courage.
Best wishes for the week, and love, Nicola
Thank you for the lovely photograph of you, James and your pre-birth friends and the products, it was so good to see you and James with the others. I will think of you this week every day and wish you all the strength you need, your bravery is contageous and will keep us all thinking positive thoughts for you, which, however far away we are, will surely get to you and give you a little, we hope a lot, more courage.
Best wishes for the week, and love, Nicola
Thoughts on a Sunday.
Dear All,
A quiet Sunday afternoon, with yet another week under my belt. I am feeling admittedly tired, but have taken it easy today, with the London grey skies and winds keeping me indoors aside from a quick walk earlier this morning with James and my mother for some fresh air.
This week has been full. I spent a lot of time with loved ones, which is always so good for the soul. I know that many of you have said you'd hop on the first flight to come and see me, and I deeply appreciate it... if I could, I would snap my fingers and have you all here! But the reality is, as I have come to figure out, that my body's response to treatment is unpredictable, my energy levels are a rollercoaster ride, and I struggle to combine rest with socialising with James time with hospital visits with the normal requirements of daily living! It sounds crazy, but it is hard! Even returning phone calls can feel impossible on many days. And I feel badly and guilty for my "silence". So, if you'll bear with me, I plan to beat this disease hands down and to look forward to future get-togethers with you all once I am at the other end of my treatment. Bring on the summer!
I have to say that I have been very emotional this week... sometimes my diagnosis really hits me between the eyes and I battle a combination of fear, frustration, anger, and sadness... I have been very aware of every pain, every swollen gland, every reduction or lack thereof... I need Dr. Plowman to give me one of his pep talks when I see him for chemo on Wednesday. Yes, Round #4 of chemo is just a few days away - deep breath. In my low moments, when my mind is "weak", I remind myself that my body is remarkably strong - the checklist of what is has gone through the past couple of months and how it has rebounded time and time again is a testament to this. I have almost recovered my initial weight loss despite my rounds of chemo and my stint in the ICU. I have fought infection, a collapsed lung, an immune system repeatedly knocked down to "zero", and "poison" in my veins! My breast tumor (the "mothership" as I refer to it) continues to release its grip on my boob and slowly shrink down. I am unquestionably healthier now than I have been in years when I think of my greater sleep, my radical change in diet, my range of vitamins... I guess that I need that reminding, that reassurance, that recap that "You're doing great!". I seek the guarantee of recovery, which I cannot have, but on which I direct my focus as best I can. I just want to heal so badly, so very badly. And while it has only been two months since I started treatment (to the day!), it has felt like forever ago that I began this journey. And the road is long. I am taking it one step at a time, but the impatient and scared (and human!) part of me wants to be at the end of this chapter.
On a lighter note, this week included some wonderful tastes of "normal life". I went to the movies - the first time in 9 months! - to an afternoon showing of "Slumdog Millionaire", which I adored. Also, my blood counts were high enough to be able to take James on his first play date, as the photos show. I met these two women (Martha and Yumi) at my prenatal classes, and we have since stayed in close touch. Diego and Mito, the two babies, are just days younger than James. It was cute to see the babies "play" together... James was mesmarised by it all and loved it... although strong as he is he proceeded to easily grab the toys from the girl and made her cry... oh dear, a sign of things to come?!
I hope that you have all had a great weekend, and thank you for the messages, photos and the laughs of your postings. I needed them. Hugs and more hugs, Alessandra.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Another Funny!
Here is another possibly inappropriate comic. However, I think it important to laugh in the face of adversity. Like before, I hope this makes you smile! Love you my friend!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
In the Name of Fun
Want to know what we do in Vermont in the name of fun in the winter? This is my mom, my girls, and me on an oh so lovely sleigh ride. Looks faboo, no?!? Alex, I can relate to feeling cold!!! :-) I love you - Lindsay
We are not guppies! We are fighters!
Sorry for my absence from the blog, but this account of comic relief took sometime to recount. So here is one for the crowd, but it is a personal experience so don't laugh too hard!
In my attempt to train for my triathlon this summer I decided I was ready to take my swimming to the next level. Not sure why I was so convinced I needed to do this three weeks into my training, but I think it is due to the steady progress I have been making in my fitness level and strength thus far. I spoke with the coach who is in charge of Masters Swim at my local gym to see if he thought I would survive the class and benefit from the workout. He assured me I would be fine and that there were other triathletes who were also in his class.
I showed up to class confident in my decision as the coach welcomed me to the pool. He asked me to swim some laps to assess my swimming and place me in the appropriate lane based on my speed. Well, on my last length of the pool during my warm up I collided with a bald man's head. Alarming to say the least since there was no one in the lane when I started. I came up out of the water with a sore upper lip and slighted bruised ego. Was it me that caused the crash or was it him?! I guess it was a little of everyone. The coach for not telling him I was on the other end of the pool, the bald man for not making me aware he was entering the lane and me for not swimming the designated circle pattern in the pool...ugh! I was off to a shaky start!
The coach, for good reason, separated the crash victims and then class began. He introduced to my lane members and decided it would be polite to shake hands with each one of the 6 people like it was some kind of board room meet and greet! Finally our heads were in the water and I could forget about all that had transpired so far. But with our heads in the water an entirely new set of challenges set in like keeping up with the swimmer in front! Paddle, paddle, paddle, gasp for breath, swallow some water, leaky goggle. What could happen, did happen. There were few things I was in control of at this point so I decided to address the one I could. I switched my sporty small goggles that were pinching me and leaking for my newly purchased kid's goggles that were larger than the common swim goggles, but so comfortable and with a fit that did not allow water in. Bliss! Except now I am the new kid, paddling for her life with the big kid's goggles on!
As the class progressed so did the challenges, from swimming short sprints to swimming longer sprints! And from the coach speaking English to him speaking swim-glish as I like to call. "Ok, lane 1, give me 8 x 150s with a 2:45 interval," he would say. Lucky for me, we had a member of our team who was partially deaf so the coach repeated the instructions a couple of times until the guy gave the thumbs up that he caught it all. Needless to say I was partially deaf as well with wax stuffed into my ears to keep the water out. Ok, so now picture, girl with the big kid's goggles and the wax in her ears and a perplexed look on her face staring at the clock like everyone else, but not knowing why I was staring at the clock! This is kind of how my life goes in and out of the pool in case you were interested. I can tell you about a similar experience with a calculator some other time~!
And off to the races we go, kicking, stroking, flip turning, never mind me counting my laps, I was just trying to keep up and figured I would know when it was all over when I saw legs standing still at one end of the pool. Well, I finished the class much to my amazement and really thought I had hit my stride during the warm down when I was able to almost swim the length of the pool without breathing. Great, I thought! That should do me a lot of good on my 1.5 mile swim from Alcatraz!
Cut to the next day. I'm feeling good....until about 4pm when a sharp pain was felt in my neck that I couldn't shake. It was like a never ending charlie horse. I struggled into a meeting grasping my neck and five minutes in burst out in tears from the pain-I excused myself and headed to the closest thing to a doctor who could help me. A block away and conveniently located next to the closest pub to our office. I went and saw a chiropractor who "adjusted" me...or as I referred to it "cracked" me back into place.
Needless to say I took the week off from swimming and yesterday I found the courage to walk back out to the pool and tell, Dirk (of course that's his name!), the coach, what had happened to me and that I was perhaps in over my head with the masters swimming, but when they introduce guppy swim I am in! Somehow in the five minutes of me feeling pitiful for having been injured after one swim class he talked me back into showing up at the next practice! Either I am a glutton for punishment or I am a fighter like Alessandra! I will take the fighter role any day! Danda, if ever you doubt yourself, just remind yourself that we are NOT guppies! We are fighters!
In my attempt to train for my triathlon this summer I decided I was ready to take my swimming to the next level. Not sure why I was so convinced I needed to do this three weeks into my training, but I think it is due to the steady progress I have been making in my fitness level and strength thus far. I spoke with the coach who is in charge of Masters Swim at my local gym to see if he thought I would survive the class and benefit from the workout. He assured me I would be fine and that there were other triathletes who were also in his class.
I showed up to class confident in my decision as the coach welcomed me to the pool. He asked me to swim some laps to assess my swimming and place me in the appropriate lane based on my speed. Well, on my last length of the pool during my warm up I collided with a bald man's head. Alarming to say the least since there was no one in the lane when I started. I came up out of the water with a sore upper lip and slighted bruised ego. Was it me that caused the crash or was it him?! I guess it was a little of everyone. The coach for not telling him I was on the other end of the pool, the bald man for not making me aware he was entering the lane and me for not swimming the designated circle pattern in the pool...ugh! I was off to a shaky start!
The coach, for good reason, separated the crash victims and then class began. He introduced to my lane members and decided it would be polite to shake hands with each one of the 6 people like it was some kind of board room meet and greet! Finally our heads were in the water and I could forget about all that had transpired so far. But with our heads in the water an entirely new set of challenges set in like keeping up with the swimmer in front! Paddle, paddle, paddle, gasp for breath, swallow some water, leaky goggle. What could happen, did happen. There were few things I was in control of at this point so I decided to address the one I could. I switched my sporty small goggles that were pinching me and leaking for my newly purchased kid's goggles that were larger than the common swim goggles, but so comfortable and with a fit that did not allow water in. Bliss! Except now I am the new kid, paddling for her life with the big kid's goggles on!
As the class progressed so did the challenges, from swimming short sprints to swimming longer sprints! And from the coach speaking English to him speaking swim-glish as I like to call. "Ok, lane 1, give me 8 x 150s with a 2:45 interval," he would say. Lucky for me, we had a member of our team who was partially deaf so the coach repeated the instructions a couple of times until the guy gave the thumbs up that he caught it all. Needless to say I was partially deaf as well with wax stuffed into my ears to keep the water out. Ok, so now picture, girl with the big kid's goggles and the wax in her ears and a perplexed look on her face staring at the clock like everyone else, but not knowing why I was staring at the clock! This is kind of how my life goes in and out of the pool in case you were interested. I can tell you about a similar experience with a calculator some other time~!
And off to the races we go, kicking, stroking, flip turning, never mind me counting my laps, I was just trying to keep up and figured I would know when it was all over when I saw legs standing still at one end of the pool. Well, I finished the class much to my amazement and really thought I had hit my stride during the warm down when I was able to almost swim the length of the pool without breathing. Great, I thought! That should do me a lot of good on my 1.5 mile swim from Alcatraz!
Cut to the next day. I'm feeling good....until about 4pm when a sharp pain was felt in my neck that I couldn't shake. It was like a never ending charlie horse. I struggled into a meeting grasping my neck and five minutes in burst out in tears from the pain-I excused myself and headed to the closest thing to a doctor who could help me. A block away and conveniently located next to the closest pub to our office. I went and saw a chiropractor who "adjusted" me...or as I referred to it "cracked" me back into place.
Needless to say I took the week off from swimming and yesterday I found the courage to walk back out to the pool and tell, Dirk (of course that's his name!), the coach, what had happened to me and that I was perhaps in over my head with the masters swimming, but when they introduce guppy swim I am in! Somehow in the five minutes of me feeling pitiful for having been injured after one swim class he talked me back into showing up at the next practice! Either I am a glutton for punishment or I am a fighter like Alessandra! I will take the fighter role any day! Danda, if ever you doubt yourself, just remind yourself that we are NOT guppies! We are fighters!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wonders of Nature
Well, I've finally gotten the guts to post here. You'd think writing for a living I wouldn't mind. (How's this for a silver lining - no reports to write!)
Upon reflecting on our recent family trip, where I thought of you frequently, I thought about what it was that I would wish I could collect. That would be the wonders of nature. A critically endangered blue iguana RIGHT THERE (after me for my coconut!). A soldier crab perched 3 feet in the air on top of a stick. The beauty of a baby green sea turtle's shell. A blow hole in the ancient coral shore, at sunset. A complex tropical flower. Petting stingrays in the wild ocean. Children.
And you, Alessandra. You and your body are a wonder of nature. Your strength and your fight - your ability to beat this fucker (to use your words). I feel certain that Dr. Plowman is right.
Love you,
Katherine
QUITE LITERALLY, A BELLY LAUGH
Realizing that I may be WAY off base, given the fact that Danda is undergoing chemo and nausea is possibly the most "upsetting" side effect, I offer up one of the funniest scenes ever filmed - Go to U-TUBE or Google and type in Stand By Me - Barf-a-Rama. You will not be disappointed, and your memory will have served you well. Two bits you will laugh until your sides ache. If you don't, you were never young and foolish. Actually, the film in its entirety is worth watching again. It is the essense of youth. Perhaps James would enjoy it while bouncing in his "bounce" chair! Barf on! LSC
Monday, February 16, 2009
laughter
The goat would like to know if his kisses count as germy ones. The horse...well...I added that one by accident and couldn't figure out how to remove it. And in the name of humor...
Knock knock. Who's there? The interrupting cow. The interrupt -- MMMOOOOO!!!!!!!
Why did the turtle cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.
What is the difference between ooh and aah? About three inches. (side bar -- I only felt safe adding this one to the list thanks to the rousing response to Chiara's strip tease. Well, ok, it wasn't exactly Chiara's strip tease...)
Where do you put a dog who has been barking in the road? In the barking lot!!! (That's a favorite at my daughter's preschool.)
I'm quite sure you all can do better. Bring it on!!!
Lots of love - Lindsay
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
For any of you who know me, you know that I love to laugh and try to find humor in everyday life. Humor is what gets me through the intensity that life can often have day to day. So, I started looking up the health benefits of laughter and there is actual research on "humor therapy". I totally need to go into this field. A recent study, for example, found that laughter helps blood vessels function better. Another study shows that laughter causes your brain to release chemicals that relax your muscles and produce pleasure. Still, another study credits laughter with stimulating the body's immune system, which can help fight viruses. And hearty laughter has even been shown to massage your internal organs. Blah, blah, blah. You don't need to know all of this technical jargon, my goal for this post is to make everyone laugh and hopefully bring Alex a little humor therapy in the process. So, here is a little funny to bring a smile to your faces. Hope it makes you giggle. Remember, the bigger the laugh the better for your health. Happy laughing everyone!
silver linings
It is about time I write a few unsolicited words on this blog, but I have been struggling with trying to find the moment. Along with Alessandra, I find everyone's comments so entertaining and heart-warming - a boost to anyone's morale.
Alessandra and I often talk about the curved ball that was thrown to her out of nowhere and about the silver linings that have evolved because of it. Over the years - many years - I have always found a silver lining, or more, after a storm. It may not always be obvious and it may not be immediate, but it always shows up.
She and I were talking about how lucky we are to be able to spend so much time together after
18 years. We see each other every day! And not only do I see her but I see Chiara and watch my grandson grow up before my eyes. How lucky is that! Now poor Julian may not feel that he has been that lucky with the constant presence of his mother-in-law but he is bearing up well
and so far has not taken away my key to their flat!
Other silver linings: Alessandra's hospital is a five minute walk from her flat. Some very old friends of ours from Denmark have let me use their flat when needed and the flat is but a 15-minute walk from Alessandra. When the bed is occupied other friends have offered another. True friends touch your heart in a way that is undescribable. As for friends! How lucky that Alessandra has the support and the love from all of you who write on the blog. A big hug to you Alexis for getting it all started! You are a silver lining and a star to boot!
There are many more silver linings out there and I shall keep you posted! Love from a very grateful mother
Alessandra and I often talk about the curved ball that was thrown to her out of nowhere and about the silver linings that have evolved because of it. Over the years - many years - I have always found a silver lining, or more, after a storm. It may not always be obvious and it may not be immediate, but it always shows up.
She and I were talking about how lucky we are to be able to spend so much time together after
18 years. We see each other every day! And not only do I see her but I see Chiara and watch my grandson grow up before my eyes. How lucky is that! Now poor Julian may not feel that he has been that lucky with the constant presence of his mother-in-law but he is bearing up well
and so far has not taken away my key to their flat!
Other silver linings: Alessandra's hospital is a five minute walk from her flat. Some very old friends of ours from Denmark have let me use their flat when needed and the flat is but a 15-minute walk from Alessandra. When the bed is occupied other friends have offered another. True friends touch your heart in a way that is undescribable. As for friends! How lucky that Alessandra has the support and the love from all of you who write on the blog. A big hug to you Alexis for getting it all started! You are a silver lining and a star to boot!
There are many more silver linings out there and I shall keep you posted! Love from a very grateful mother
CONNECTIONS/COLLECTIONS
Dear Danda,It was wonderful to read your post and to hear you making such strides due, in part, to your "new collection" of medical personnel. Their names remind me of that wonderfully successful ad campaign THE UNITED COLORS OF BENNETON! I can just picture their smiles, their eyes, their hair, skin, mannerisms and various vocal lilts. A regular United Nations! I can also feel their love for you. As you know, all too well, it is incredibly difficult to play the finely tuned human instrument of caring. It is not a practice session. There are no rehersals. The curtain is up. Here is an orchestra that never gives a poor performance. They do not need sheet music or even a conductor. They hear, see, feel and bring forth the best music thay can make given their various instruments. While you would rather be elsewhere, you are lucky have one of the best seats in the house. After round 6, you can paste your concert tickets in a scrapbook and place it on a shelf, and then go onto other things. LSC
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A Valentine's Day of I Love You's
Dear All,
As Valentine’s Day draws to a close, I sit here grateful for all the love in my life. I am doing well today. My appetite has really improved, and finally the bad effects of this last chemo round seem to have mostly lifted. To no surprise, my bloodwork two days ago came back confirming that yes, I am AGAIN, neutropenic - my white cells are at 0.1 - a testament to how strongly the chemo impacts my system and, specifically, my bone marrow. So, was given the usual series of shots I need to take to bolster white cell recovery in the time that remains before my next cycle, and was warned about being around anyone remotely sick. I am staying clear of shops and other public venues for a couple of days until I have more of a defense. James' sloppy, drooly kisses do not count in the "germ" category - they remain my best medicine and the highlights of my day.
I was thinking about the messages recently posted by many of you - one the theme of "connections", the other the theme of "collections". And I think that I really thrive on collecting connections - don't know what I would do without them, and mine seem to span distance and time, both local and far, given the nomadic life I have led to date. And of the many things this cancer journey has shown me, is how wonderfully strong and special and treasured those connections of mine are and what a beautiful collection they have become. This blog, the messages, the calls, the thoughts.... they are all testament to this. I have even grown very fond, in just a matter of weeks, of the team at the hospital that looks after me so well. There is Alex, the Irish senior nurse, whose bedside manner, humour, kindness, patience and efficiency have made my journey so far that bit easier – I owe him many of my “good days” when my time in hospital could have felt so bleak, and I owe him my peace of mind when I needed answers and information. There is the team of other nurses: Angela, always smiling and upbeat; Joe and Alejandro who never fail to ask after James and who have cared for me with gentleness; Aida and Risa whose efficiency has helped me through my hardest of treatment moments; Anne-Marie, John, Hillary and Judy who held my hand and soothed my soul as I lived through six days in intensive care; and Maria, who looked me in the eye and firmly stated “Girl Power, you can do it” when I started my first chemo cycle. There is Dr. Mohammed, who oversees the oncology ward, and is a soft-spoken physician that has witnessed and understands both my pain and my strength. And of course there is Dr. Plowman, my oncologist, my team leader who took both my hands as I cried through my diagnosis news and said, “Alessandra, do you hear me, I will get you into remission”. His no-nonsense attitude and yet nurturing manner hold my hope and my belief that I will beat this disease. These people are now an extended part of my family, and I feel lucky.
So, on this Valentine’s Day, my list of “I love you’s” and “thank you’s” abound. And I continue to collect connections with appreciation and gratitude. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Collections
Hi everyone! Very interesting to read about the collections people on this blog have, and I really liked all the pictures of Alexis' animals. This made me realize that I too have a collection... I collect shower caps (!) mostly from hotels. I just love them and I guess I like the small boxes they package them in. When I don't use the one I get in the hotel room I'm staying, I take it with me! Perhaps initially it started because I wanted a memento of nice hotels where I enjoyed my stay. Now, as soon as I get into a hotel room I look for the shower cap and if I don't find one I remember the hotel as a place not to return to. You may wonder whether I keep my shower caps scattered about in my living room or in a nice jar, like a proud collector. Well, I don't. They're in a drawer in the bathroom (for Uri's relief). I'm sure you're glad I'm not posting a picture of that collection here. I share Alexis's fear about my collection, so no need to comment on this post either...
Hello All,
Alexis I couldn't resist to show you my fish Link!
I loved the animals you have and I for one would enjoy everyone of them and love your addiction!
Julian gave me this fish and he's great and beautiful!! So you say fish that's my passion.
Link is named after Alex (long story she can tell you) I feel weird writing on this blog twice in one day but had to show my beautiful fish from Alex and Julian who by the way is doing well and sends his best to his Aunt Alex and Uncle Julian! Take it from a fish how to survive the water changes and the neglect when you don't change the bowl for weeks. Link is a survivor like us all!
Best to all!
Eve
Fish, Fowl and Flesh?!
I will make this posting brief, but amusing. Ornithology (Ellen's daughter's favorite activity!), Mixology (unbelievable that there is an actual study of mixing drinks!) and now Indoor Zoology--this blog has it all! based on the past couple of postings For a laugh I thought I would share a recent trend that I have noticed in my collection of "things" as my friends like to call it. I know, we all have our own little collections. Alessandra and Lisa collect pears- Alessandra's are all petite and uniform and are kept at bay in a bowl. My mother's are in various shapes, sizes and material and scattered about. And I,...I apparently collect animals.
This would not be so odd if I lived in a big house and they were displayed throughout, but I live in a small apartment where they seem to rule the roost in my living room. I did not fully recognize this pattern of indoor animal collecting until my most recent purchase, with Jeff's consent of course, of some bronze duck topped fireplace tools. We found them on Ebay and low and behold there were only two other people who were also bidding for our treasure. We won and shortly there after they arrived and I was hit with my addiction. Attached below are my pictures of my fish, fowl and flesh.
My question is, has anyone else who has visited noticed this obsession of mine? Is this grounds for sending me to a farm to live out this animal fantasy of mine. OR should I just be sent to the loony bin altogether. This is one post that I don't think comments are necessary for I fear what the answer will be!
Love Lex
This would not be so odd if I lived in a big house and they were displayed throughout, but I live in a small apartment where they seem to rule the roost in my living room. I did not fully recognize this pattern of indoor animal collecting until my most recent purchase, with Jeff's consent of course, of some bronze duck topped fireplace tools. We found them on Ebay and low and behold there were only two other people who were also bidding for our treasure. We won and shortly there after they arrived and I was hit with my addiction. Attached below are my pictures of my fish, fowl and flesh.
My question is, has anyone else who has visited noticed this obsession of mine? Is this grounds for sending me to a farm to live out this animal fantasy of mine. OR should I just be sent to the loony bin altogether. This is one post that I don't think comments are necessary for I fear what the answer will be!
Love Lex
Some Beach Somewhere!!
Hello My Friend!!,
I hear your doing well and it makes me so happy I thought I'd send you some bloody mary's and say cheers!!!!
Don't they look good? Soon we will be sitting on some porch, some patio, some beach somewhere having a few of these and laughing our pants off at this stupid worm who thought he could take you down!
Love the straws in the picture so cool. As cool as you. You must know I'd love them.
So again to this foolish worm inside of you say bye,bye because we have bloody mary's to drink!! Some beach somewhere!
Love you stacks and stacks!!!!
Eve
PARROTT TULIPS, PHOOEY!
Here are some real parrots! Spring may just be coming to the tropics as a flock of these paraqueets just zeroed in on a turpentine tree near the cottage. They love leafless trees as their bright green feathers mimic leaves, I think, and so they serve a pleasurable purpose. Julian, of course, with his huge knowledge of trivia will be able to give me the real reason, but I rather like mine. The only time you see them in the leafy trees is when there are some berries around or there is a hawk in the upper stratosphere. Such chattering and carrying on. What a discordant symphony! James will adore watching their zoomings through the garden. Fast little suckers!The iguana population is sprouting too, much to the pleasure of Peanut and Cashew! I thought they had totally descimated the population last year within a mile radius of the house, but no! They found a really old codger the other day and proceeded to taunt him. God, are they hunters. Naughty. Teasers. Really skilled at attacking from all angles. Quite cruel. I rescued the old man and took him across Skyline drive to the bushes. I hope he has the good sense to find a new stomping ground and stay there. Nature amazes me. Have you seen a bird in the ivy in your patio? There should be a thrush in residence soon. Just a hint of warmer weather; a spring rain; Doesn't London get spring relatively early? Aren't all the old ladies out in their gardens cajoling seedlings upward so that they can be taken to the Chelsea Flower Show? Wishful thinking on my part. I guess I will just keep my bumbershoot and slicker at the ready so when you call me to come across the "pond", I shall be fully attired. Just like Christopher Robin! My those names have a familiar ring! Hugs, dearest one. LSC
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Good Night from the West
Hello Alex
We are off to bed and soon you will be waking to start a new day. We wish you a day filled with enough energy to laugh and to be with those around you. Olivia and Grace ask about you every day - Olivia says "AAAAlllllleeexxxx". It is as if she knows that you live far away and she needs to say it extra loud and extra strong. I hope you feel the strength coming your way from all of us around the world!
Love, Lisa
A New Friend.....
Danda....You may recall visiting with Eric & Ingrid Zucker and me on St. John in an unfinished bunker on top of a hill at the end of the world. Since your visit, they've had another daughter. Their names are Amelie (will be 3 May 3) and Zia (will be 1 on May 30). I think the A-Z is telling us something. .. Can't remember whether it came up at lunch that I had worked for your grandmother, Betty Smith, at Island Interiors way back when I was much younger than you are today. It was my job to guard the petty cash box from your mother, aunt Lisa, uncle Geoffrey and grandfather - no easy task. As the years rolled by, Betty came down with breast cancer and went through her own trials. BUT, you have her genes and she ended up enjoying life to a ripe old age. Keep that in mind during those "down" days. Will try to upload some pix of the St. Johnians and their house to show you its growth, albeit at an island pace....marilynmackay
Flowers for you!
I thought I would take pause from day to send you some flowers Danda. This simple bouquet of parrot tulips with some berry and grass fillers was delivered to my boss today and I thought it was so delicate and beautiful that I had to send it along. They are virtual flowers, rather than the real thing, but I have donated some money into the Whole Foods fund so you could purchase some of your own! Working in my windowless office all day can send me into a funk so this week I bought myself some pink ranunculus to add a little life to my office. Indeed the desired effect is working-I am happier because of them and all for $4 from the farmer's market-such a bargain! So pick yourself up some flowers when you are well enough to venture outside again and put them beside your bed to bring a little life into your room! I love you, hope you are feeling a tad better today. Thinking of you, Lex
Power of Sisters Continued...
Hi Alessandra and fellow bloggers (is that a word now?),
In separate emails I have sent directly to Alessandra I have shared with her that it has quickly become part of my morning routine to make coffee, pour a cup and then check-in to see if there are any updates on how our dear friend is doing. While it has taken me some time (and nerve) to actually post a note, I have been captivated by the outpouring of love and support for Alessandra and her family. Alessandra, you never cease to amaze me with the eloquence in your writing, even in the midst of such difficult times. You are truly loved and cared for, and so many of us are praying for you and wishing you strength and recovery.
Chiara, you sound as amazing as your sister! When Alessandra was working in Boston, she often spoke of you and missed you terribly. It is amazing that you are back together in the same city, and that you are helping her with this dreadful battle. Having two little girls myself (picture above), I can only hope that someday they will share the love that you two do, and that if the worst of times presents itself, they will be there for each other like you two are. I never had a sister, but seeing my two girls and hearing of your relationship, make me know that I missed something special in the incredible bond that can develop between female siblings. Now don’t get me wrong…my girls BATTLE like crazy. Right now the issues are crayons and Princess dolls…..maybe someday to be replaced by boys and clothing…but when it comes down to it, I hope they know they have each other and that they will always be there for one another, much like the two of you.
Speaking of which, my oldest is home on day #4 with the flu, so off I go to administer Ibuprofen and keep the little one away from her germs. Hang tough, Alessandra. Sorry to hear treatment #3 reared its ugly head a few days later than usual, but have faith that the medication is wiping the illness out of your system. Power of visualization.
Lots of love,
Karen
In separate emails I have sent directly to Alessandra I have shared with her that it has quickly become part of my morning routine to make coffee, pour a cup and then check-in to see if there are any updates on how our dear friend is doing. While it has taken me some time (and nerve) to actually post a note, I have been captivated by the outpouring of love and support for Alessandra and her family. Alessandra, you never cease to amaze me with the eloquence in your writing, even in the midst of such difficult times. You are truly loved and cared for, and so many of us are praying for you and wishing you strength and recovery.
Chiara, you sound as amazing as your sister! When Alessandra was working in Boston, she often spoke of you and missed you terribly. It is amazing that you are back together in the same city, and that you are helping her with this dreadful battle. Having two little girls myself (picture above), I can only hope that someday they will share the love that you two do, and that if the worst of times presents itself, they will be there for each other like you two are. I never had a sister, but seeing my two girls and hearing of your relationship, make me know that I missed something special in the incredible bond that can develop between female siblings. Now don’t get me wrong…my girls BATTLE like crazy. Right now the issues are crayons and Princess dolls…..maybe someday to be replaced by boys and clothing…but when it comes down to it, I hope they know they have each other and that they will always be there for one another, much like the two of you.
Speaking of which, my oldest is home on day #4 with the flu, so off I go to administer Ibuprofen and keep the little one away from her germs. Hang tough, Alessandra. Sorry to hear treatment #3 reared its ugly head a few days later than usual, but have faith that the medication is wiping the illness out of your system. Power of visualization.
Lots of love,
Karen
The boss
It's great to hear you're feeling better every day. I think you should cherish your need for control. I am sure that it will work in your favor in the long run. Of course you have to rest, do the chemos, the diet, and all these things you wouldn't want to. But taking some control, within the limits imposed by the situation (yes, those limits are very constraining now), cannot be bad. It will help you motivate yourself, distract you from the things that frighten and depress you, and take a more and more active part in this fight. Besides, both White squadrons on your side and guerrilla fighters on the other had better understand once and for all who is the boss!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Happy Endings!!
Hi danda and everyone else!
Well, it is funny that I am the one that is supposedly the resident expert on the blog because it seems I too am learning new things about it all the time. Apparently some of you clued into the fact that you could just comment on a posting because you many of you already have. So for those who have not seen this option or clicked on the "comments" link at the end of each posting you should. Under each posting you can see the number of comments that have been written about a particular post or you can comment yourself.
What is more amusing is that in reading back through all of the comments I came upon one written by Joanne. She began her comment with a quote that really resonated with me and I thought to myself, those are words worth living by. The quote read, "And if our bodies can't take us there, our minds can do the peddling for us if you exercise that muscle." Then I continued to read the rest of Joanne's comment on the quote and low and behold learned that I had written those words in a post of mine! Not to flatter myself, but what the hell, what brilliant words they are!!
Danda, it seems that you ARE exercising that muscle, visualizing the conquering of cancer in your own body! YOU are taking control, but in a good way this time. You are taking control of your destiny as best you can by thinking positively about the outcome-this has a strong impact on fighting this disease. This is how miracles happen by you willing the cancer away-have faith! We do! And are fighting right along side you, happy endings and all!...Chiara-I love you!
Oh, and just so you know we are sympathiazing with your plight your description of the chemo was powerful. To smell and taste the chemo-that is awful. You and Peanut are really having a rough go of it! I want to tell you smother yourself in lavender moisturizing cream and suck on lemon drops to make it all go away, but somehow I think that will only partially mask your experience, but maybe it is worth a try. I just want you to know I sympathize with you-this is not an easy cure.
Big hugs of warmth,
Lex
Well, it is funny that I am the one that is supposedly the resident expert on the blog because it seems I too am learning new things about it all the time. Apparently some of you clued into the fact that you could just comment on a posting because you many of you already have. So for those who have not seen this option or clicked on the "comments" link at the end of each posting you should. Under each posting you can see the number of comments that have been written about a particular post or you can comment yourself.
What is more amusing is that in reading back through all of the comments I came upon one written by Joanne. She began her comment with a quote that really resonated with me and I thought to myself, those are words worth living by. The quote read, "And if our bodies can't take us there, our minds can do the peddling for us if you exercise that muscle." Then I continued to read the rest of Joanne's comment on the quote and low and behold learned that I had written those words in a post of mine! Not to flatter myself, but what the hell, what brilliant words they are!!
Danda, it seems that you ARE exercising that muscle, visualizing the conquering of cancer in your own body! YOU are taking control, but in a good way this time. You are taking control of your destiny as best you can by thinking positively about the outcome-this has a strong impact on fighting this disease. This is how miracles happen by you willing the cancer away-have faith! We do! And are fighting right along side you, happy endings and all!...Chiara-I love you!
Oh, and just so you know we are sympathiazing with your plight your description of the chemo was powerful. To smell and taste the chemo-that is awful. You and Peanut are really having a rough go of it! I want to tell you smother yourself in lavender moisturizing cream and suck on lemon drops to make it all go away, but somehow I think that will only partially mask your experience, but maybe it is worth a try. I just want you to know I sympathize with you-this is not an easy cure.
Big hugs of warmth,
Lex
Wishes from Geneva, Switzerland
Dearest Alessandra,
I have been following your unrequested adventure into the world of modern medicine with the reports from Lisa. To read the blog, your support team is really tremendous and your comments heart-warming. I have lived with someone on chemo and know the daily waits and the unknowns, I suppose it could be boring if it was the same each time! I, myself spent time last year with bits being cut out and then zapped. The positive about having my head zapped is that they did not damage my eye and the hair that disappeared, patches, has grown back dark, like it used to be and, in some places tight curls. When my hairdresser told me that it was dark and curly I said it was my hommage to Obama.
My sister, who lives in Clapham, has a present for James, if I asked her to have her husband leave it with his secretary at 3, Basil Street (Doctor's surgery) - just near Harrods, could someone pick it up or should I ask her to get to a post office? No rush, I am sure he has lots of goodies.
Now that I have go onto this brilliant system, which started out in german, not my second language, I will look forward to following from afar.
With very much love and wishes for 'bon courage'. James is beautiful, I am sure Viki must be a wonderful and doting Grandmother.
Best. Nicola
I have been following your unrequested adventure into the world of modern medicine with the reports from Lisa. To read the blog, your support team is really tremendous and your comments heart-warming. I have lived with someone on chemo and know the daily waits and the unknowns, I suppose it could be boring if it was the same each time! I, myself spent time last year with bits being cut out and then zapped. The positive about having my head zapped is that they did not damage my eye and the hair that disappeared, patches, has grown back dark, like it used to be and, in some places tight curls. When my hairdresser told me that it was dark and curly I said it was my hommage to Obama.
My sister, who lives in Clapham, has a present for James, if I asked her to have her husband leave it with his secretary at 3, Basil Street (Doctor's surgery) - just near Harrods, could someone pick it up or should I ask her to get to a post office? No rush, I am sure he has lots of goodies.
Now that I have go onto this brilliant system, which started out in german, not my second language, I will look forward to following from afar.
With very much love and wishes for 'bon courage'. James is beautiful, I am sure Viki must be a wonderful and doting Grandmother.
Best. Nicola
What Would One Do Without Pep Talks?
You have all heard me often reference Chiara's "pep talks". Well, they are as good a medicine as I have ever had, and I cannot put into words how much they have managed to soothe, inspire, make me giggle, or simply envelope me in a hug that makes it all alright. So I had to share the following: This past weekend, I hit a moment of a "low" - I felt awful, frustrated, fearful, and wishing so desperately that my health had not taken this turn. Yes, one of those "human" moments, when I was struggling to shift gears back to the positive mental mindset which is more typically my daily stance. Chiara and I have often talked about the power of visualisation with this cancer, and I believe in it fully. To date, my visualisations have been friends and family with huge miner's picks, hammering and chipping away at the boulder of my breast cancer and lymph node, chunks of rock coming away into piles of insignificant rubble and dust, and the boulder getting smaller and smaller. The chemo is ice-cold Corona beers and cocktails for all that are working on this, so when it arrives, there are whoops of joy and cheers, and the chipping and hammering just gets all that more vigorous. As for the spots on my liver and bones, I imagine James with a wooden rake, sweetly raking the "pebbles/spots" from the earth of my body or kicking them off with his feet - getting the trouble spots unstuck, and smoothing the earth with his pudgy hands. The earth is then ready for planting with health and vitamins and all the good foods that I have been feeding myself.
Now, in the low of this weekend, Chiara introduced another visualisation, saying that my body is full of troops that are itching to fight this cancer, but that heck, my blue attitude is doing NOTHING for the camp morale.... and so the following transcript was sent to me by her, via Messenger... and I just loved it:
- Chiara says: Hey, don't be blue you have to be up! Because you're almost at the end of your third bout of chemo, so half way through the crapola and well on your way to getting better. And you have been eating so much better which means your body is so much stronger even in the worst of times and so you are proving that we're slowly getting your body back to being fighting fit.
- Chiara says: Army morale is very very high, so keep it up - not going to help if they see the Lieutenant moping around the barracks. You've got "Cry Me A River" playing over the army base tannoi -NOT going to help. Instead send the Vietnamese strippers in to cheer them up in me-love-you-long-time style. (How un-pc is this??)
- Chiara says: You'll have the White Cell boys riled up in no time - cue much whooping, pelvic thrusting and stroking of guns in lewd manner.
- Chiara says: They'll be so adrenaline pumped that they will go absolutely ape-shit on the Tumor guerillas. So much so that word will spread about how barbaric your boys are.
- Chiara says: That those that haven't even had face-to-face combat with the White squadron will be hauling their sorry asses out of Danda territory fast, and being the fanatic martyrs that they are, will be fed the Berries-call-to-martyrdom and self-destruct, ie commit suicide, purely so as not to be defeated in face-to-face combat with the Whites.
- Chiara says: Operation Boom-bastic will be the pinnacle of success and your boys will aptly celebrate to the tunes of Shaggy (Mr Boombastic). Hey maybe you can get that song on your CD. Cue, more lewd activity, pelvic thrusting and bringing in of the strippers.
I have attached a photo of Chiara playing with James. If I love her pep talks, I cannot begin to put into words how much I love her.
Round #3 is nearing its conclusion
A rainy Tuesday morning and I am sitting here after a long shower. Have read all of your recent messages, as it has been a while since I have been online, and am smiling at your news, your photos, your good wishes. Lindsay, your girls are BEAUTIFUL, Julie your wedding plans are so EXCITING, Alexis your ski trip looks FABULOUS, Giovanna your messages have been so CHEERING, Lisa C. your quote was MOVING, Mary that painting was really TOUCHING, and Chris' photo from up a mast was BREATH-TAKING... well I would say that that's not a bad start to the day, eh? Beautiful, exciting, fabulous, moving, touching, cheering, and breath-taking...!
When I last posted, I was feeling "pretty good" - so much so that I called the hospital to check that they had given me the correct dosage of medication (typical me, I know, control, control...). They informed me that "Yes, you've had the same kind and dosage as you've had the other two rounds", and I hung up the phone thinking "Great!".... and then Friday night arrived, and I realised that Round #3 was really only just beginning. Still better than Round #2, don't get me wrong, but the chemo patrol managed to hit me with a left hook and then a right upper cut, and I spent the weekend in bed feeling miserable admittedly, and requiring an added dose of Chiara's pep talks. When asked what chemo feels like, the image that comes to mind (aside from the awful nausea) is feeling that I am a bug that has been sprayed and that both inside and out my body and wings are wanting to shut down - heavy, achy, feeling literally poisoned, feeling "wrong". I can taste and feel the heat of the chemo on my breath, and you can smell it on my skin. It is powerful stuff, no doubt about it, but then, powerful medicine is the name of the game... and speaking of games... following the left hook and right upper cut, I feigned being knocked out, only to get up again yesterday and deliver one or two blows myself. As the bell is about to ring in a day or so to end this round and give me a tired breather of some days of low cell counts but nothing more, although a breather nonetheless, I'm saying the the bookies are still weighing very heavily in my favour..... Love to you all!
When I last posted, I was feeling "pretty good" - so much so that I called the hospital to check that they had given me the correct dosage of medication (typical me, I know, control, control...). They informed me that "Yes, you've had the same kind and dosage as you've had the other two rounds", and I hung up the phone thinking "Great!".... and then Friday night arrived, and I realised that Round #3 was really only just beginning. Still better than Round #2, don't get me wrong, but the chemo patrol managed to hit me with a left hook and then a right upper cut, and I spent the weekend in bed feeling miserable admittedly, and requiring an added dose of Chiara's pep talks. When asked what chemo feels like, the image that comes to mind (aside from the awful nausea) is feeling that I am a bug that has been sprayed and that both inside and out my body and wings are wanting to shut down - heavy, achy, feeling literally poisoned, feeling "wrong". I can taste and feel the heat of the chemo on my breath, and you can smell it on my skin. It is powerful stuff, no doubt about it, but then, powerful medicine is the name of the game... and speaking of games... following the left hook and right upper cut, I feigned being knocked out, only to get up again yesterday and deliver one or two blows myself. As the bell is about to ring in a day or so to end this round and give me a tired breather of some days of low cell counts but nothing more, although a breather nonetheless, I'm saying the the bookies are still weighing very heavily in my favour..... Love to you all!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Ahhhhh... What a relief!
Hi Panda,
I hear things are going well, you're still very tired and you have some nausea sometimes, but nothing like after round 2. That is a great relief, isn't it? I'm sure that the very fact that you feel better than you expected makes you feel stronger, mind and body. I can see you on your couch, smiling, with a cup of tea and James sitting next to you :) Well done, Lady, well done.
A hug, G
I hear things are going well, you're still very tired and you have some nausea sometimes, but nothing like after round 2. That is a great relief, isn't it? I'm sure that the very fact that you feel better than you expected makes you feel stronger, mind and body. I can see you on your couch, smiling, with a cup of tea and James sitting next to you :) Well done, Lady, well done.
A hug, G
Sister Love
Hello!!! Alex, like you, it took me a while to realize I needed an invite to join the Blog, and that I wasn't just not ble to find the magic button on the screen to make it all happen. I think I've got it figured out, now. I am sharing a couple of photos of my girls in honor of sister love. Watching you and Chiara from afar, as well as your extended network of sisters rally together, has been amazing and inspirational. I am so grateful that my daughters have sisters!! And I am so glad to be one of yours. More soon if this posting actually works!!!! Lots of love - Lindsay
Photos from the great outdoors~!
Well, here you have it a snow hug from me to you Danda-it was the best I could do from afar! And below are some other pics for your amusement. Jeff being eaten by the whale we found in a clearing, a picture of winter California style. Jeff and I in one of our famous self-portraits (amazingly it works everytime-thank goodness for his long arms!). A winter wood sculpture that I found, it reminded me of a Chinese water dragon-you can see its head towards the back of the photo and long tail coming out from it (no, it is not the drugs Danda, you are seeing what I see)! Me and the snowman family! And lastly a view from our hotel on Lake Tahoe. xoxo
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