Here We Go Again...

Dear All,

Yes, it is the eve of Round #7, which awaits me bright and early tomorrow. It has been a rough day because, as always, and despite a bearable Round #6, I have struggled with the ups and downs of what these cycles signify, their toll on mind and body, and the possibility that rides on the curative power of treatment. While positivity prevails, tears have fallen in abundance in those moments of such fear that require deep breaths and visualisations of all the good that is to come in my life. My boob has been very sore the past couple of days, and the spin I put on it is that the nerves are regenerating and that the new tissue is taking over the silent, cancerous cells. My lymph node continues to make its presence felt, and I fight back with images of healing. Some days I feel the weight of it all and the burden seems ridiculously heavy, while other days I focus so well on opportunity, potential, and future, that nothing gets in the way of feeling "up". I will see Dr. Plowman tomorrow as I receive my chemo, and he will determine when to schedule my scans. I anticipate that they will happen in the next couple of weeks, allowing Round#7 to first do its work. And then the results, and the next plan of action: a) surgery first, more chemo after that in tablet/injection form, or b) more chemo in tablet/injection form, and surgery delayed for the autumn. One day at a time... I just feel at the stage that I need another dose of good news and Dr. Plowman's reassurance. As troop co-leader, he has the particular power to lighten my load a little with a medical pep talk...

I came across some quotes today, which resonated with me and where I am at this point in this journey, so I share them: (my favourites are of Dorothy Thompson, an American freelance writer of the early 1900's, children's author, journalist and anthologist)

Eleanor Roosevelt:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

Robert Frost:
The best way out is always through.

Dorothy Thompson:
Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

Dorothy Thompson:
Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light.

Aslan:

Why? Why Not? Why Not You? Why Not Now?

Thomas Carlyle:

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.

On a lighter note, I spent this weekend taking long walks in the sunny weather, exercising my legs, breathing the spring air, and letting nature work its magic. I also spent a lot of time enjoying James, and loving moments caught of him with family. I have attached some photos... I particularly love the ones of Julian reading to James: James adores that "Daddy time" and gets completely engrossed. As you may be able to pick up, the material ranges from a book on wildlife in the countryside to The Little Kitty...! I need to work on getting some photos of James and I together, but I am usually the one wielding the Blackberry camera and taking the random shots...

Send me some good vibes for tomorrow, will you all? I really need them, as I plan to knock down the f*%#er with this Round #7 once and for all and not have it get up again.... Thank you all, as always, for all of your amazing, overwhelming, and beautiful support. Love to all.