Morning Check-In

Dear All,

Today, James turns 8 months old - he is definitely crossing the invisible line that marks the transition from baby to boy. He was taken to the baby clinic last week by my mother, where she was told that he ranks at the 98th percentile for height and 90th percentile for weight! I have myself a little giant! Hard to believe that this was the skinny little infant who suffered severe reflux for weeks on end, braved an emergency ambulance ride after he stopped breathing, spent much of his first month in and out of the hospital, and pushed through hours of pain in his determination to drink his mother's milk. It is amazing what time can do, and how the body can not only heal but flourish. He is providing me with my own little role model, paving the perspective for my own recovery... His journey is my positive lesson for the day.

So, he and I are sitting here, watching Bob the Builder on the BBC, in the quiet of the early morning - he has had his porridge and milk, I have had my supplements and chai tea, while Julian is still asleep, having taken on the responsibility of the usual tiring late night feed that allows me to go to bed earlier, by 9pm. I am feeling OK, but still far from 100% - yesterday I took a big dip (seems to happen at this point in every cycle) where the nausea returned for a while, and my body felt suddenly very depleted again (that unplugged sensation) - it's those very low blood cell counts making themselves felt, not to mention the impact of the bone marrow boosting shots I have to take every day, and by the afternoon I really couldn't have walked for more than a block. So I rested, and today will be more of the same. I feel the beginnings of the chemo side effects on my mood, but I am more prepared this time around to handle it, and to not let it scare me. I long to be able to do more exercise, to be more active, get those endorphins going, but I need to be patient (not my forte!) - I have to wait until I finish this intensive chemo phase, and see how the tablets/injections impact my sense of deep fatigue. My body at the moment is simply focusing on staying as strong as it can. So the goal remains to keep the mind active "in the moment". Not a small feat! Just "being" is truly an art form!

Hope you all have a good start to your days. The BBC headlines are on - James and I always watch them, sharing in conversation on current events.... his views are less clear, but I swear he has an opinion... Hugs.