Keep on tucking'! Dig deep. You will make it through!

Danda,

I empathize with you. I know you would give anything for one day that you could be free of thinking about your life as it stands now, I wish we could all take that burden from you for some time to give you a breather. You deserve one. But instead you must breathe, give yourself a break and think about something else. I know it is difficult when you are not feeling well and are anxious for the next treatment, but allow yourself that break from thinking and anticipating. Try visualizing when you were healthy and what that felt like so you can try to bring some of that happiness to the forefront of your mind. Imagine the happiness that will be again!

I was on a run Saturday morning and listening to my ipod something that I never thought that I would do, but when I am out training alone day after day it helps motivate me. I listen and bounce to the beat of the music chugging up hills or kicking my heels up on the flats. And when I start to struggle and question why this doesn't seem to be getting any easier I think of you.

In need to get my mileage up, but seem to have plateaued. Three months in and two to go and I thought things would be getting easier. I thought I would be getting stronger, I could go further, but it seems to have gotten harder, my legs are more tired, my mind telling me I can't...my emotions questioning why I would test myself like this, what is wrong with a simple run or a ride just for the fun of it? And I think of you, and the fact that you are probably thinking all the same things. Except that you didn’t chose your challenge. But then I dig deep, the way you and I do. I think to myself I got myself into this and I am going to get myself out, repeating this mantra. I want you to think about getting yourself out. This is the hardest part because things aren’t getting easier. You’ve been at this for months. Your treatments are closer together. You have less time to recover. You are tired of it and rightfully so. But dig deep and see if you can just hang in there for one more treatment and then the last so that you can come out the other end saying you did all that you could do. I know you can do it. I believe you can do it. I am with you. Fighting alongside you-- as we all are.

Don’t you worry about us. The communication can wait. It all takes energy and we all would rather you spend that on you. Why don’t you let us take the reigns and talk to you. We are not your responsibility right now, but instead you are ours.

Since music seems to be the thing that gets me through the hard times I managed to finish your “Fight Cancer, Keep on Truckin’ Mix”. Technology is wonderful. I am sending you your mix via email direct from itunes. I think it is pretty easy, probably just click on a link at it will somehow magically spear in your itunes account. Then listen and enjoy! It is a compilation of music that Lindsay solicited from us all.

I love you! I am beside you and holding your hand and we will pull each other up this last hill.

Alexis