Expect Miracles

Dear Danda, I have been "silent" and yet so present.  I too took some time after your scan results to regather, regroup, REBELIEVE.  If I found it hard, I can´t imagine the battle it must be for you!  But, in the end Believing is the only option, Fighting the only instrument, and Accepting all that you are going through your only shield.  How uplifiting to return to your blog...it radiates so much love and positivity!  In Italian there´s a saying that goes: "Dimmi con chi vai e ti dirò chi sei", in essence pointing to how you can tell how someone is based on who their friends are.  You truly have quite a stunning group of friends and I´m sure there are many more who have not yet appeared on this blog!  You deserve them and I have no doubt that their conscious choice to believe and fight with you, to visualize a future with you, can work miracles.  

I´m sorry if the postcard I´ve attached appears small.  Here´s what it says in French:  

Commencement

Le plus long chemin a aussi commencé par un premier pas!

(Beginning. Even the longest of journeys started with a first step!)

Never forget that you have already taken the first and most important step towards healing.  You chose to believe and fight, and no matter what the obstacles are you keep faithful to your mantra that you are on the Journey of Healing. So many wise words have been posted on this blog...let them be the sun that chases away the dark clouds of anxiety.  And speaking of anxiety....after hearing the news of your last scan results, I knew that your next biggest and toughest battle would be against Anxiety.  I am not proud to say this, but when I was having my blood taken out for a regular health check-up at a Madrid hospital, I suddenly had a shot of anxiety rush through my veins.  A women in the compartment next to mine was having her blood taken out as part of her chemo, and I suddenly wondered how us poor human beings can muster the courage to go through all that you´ve been alluding to (and not detailing) in your blog.  I had a glimpse of the fear, the panic, the anxiety, the suffocated breath, and drooping heart.  That made it all the clearer to me how important it is to have tools, and ideally a wise guide (as you mentioned with reference to a mentor), to help us channel the anxiety.  I believe you can do this too.  You don´t need to contorl or suppress anxiety, but yes channel it so it doesn´t burden your system and so that you may ultimately let it dissolve as quickly as it comes.  In the past week, my best friend who´s in Boston has done some research for you, referring me to some London contacts...I will pass them to you by e-mail.

And speaking of my best friend, tell me this isn´t a sign? :)  When I called her after your (temporarily!) disappointing results, and I asked for her advice on how to help you suddenly she stopped mid-sentence and exclaimed: "Sally, no te lo vas a creer!  A woman just walked into the bookstore and her shirt says...EXPECT MIRACLES!"  More practical advice will come via e-mail, of course, but I couldn´t end this blog entry without sharing this with you as I really feel it expresses the path you have chosen!

And lastly, I thought I´d share some of my caro Papà´s wisdom with you.  During periods where I felt nothing was advancing outwardly and I would get really frustrated, he would remind me not to underestimate what is going on inwardly.  Like a snake that is growing a beautiful, healthy new skin under its old one, you only get to see it once the old one has been shed.  Your Health is growing from your deepest and most hidden layers for that is how true healing happens.  We will all celebrate the day you shed your "cancer skin" but in the meantime we cheer you on and love you as you carry it waiting for the healthy skin to fully mature.

Avanti bella! Con tanto amore, Sally  

PS.  Vicki you´re THE BEST!!!  Mum and I are in constant admiration of you....