Postcript... I Spoke Too Soon...

Dear All,

I don't believe in jinxes, but maybe I spoke too soon... There I was telling you all how strong my body is and how I had not suffered any colds or illness during Chapter One....

As soon as I finished posting my last blog entry, I did go for that walk under gray skies, and by the time I got home, I felt surprisingly awful. My lower back and my legs were aching terribly, and my body had gone completely ice cold, despite what one would assume the "warm up" of a walk would provide. I stood under a shower for 30 minutes trying to get warm, and then got into bed for a nap, hoping to sleep it off. Woke up a couple of hours later to find I had a high fever... Called the hospital and they told me to come in right away. I was admitted 20 minutes later.

So, here I am, writing you all from a hospital bed. My team has said that my body took a much bigger hit this Round #7 than I, or they, might have imagined. Following bloodwork, they discovered that my immune system, despite my bone marrow stimulating injections, is literally at zero (0.2 to be exact!), and that all other aspects of my blood system are extremely low, so I am due for a blood transfusion later this morning. Have been hooked to IV antibiotics (which made me vomit) and fluids since last night. They say I will be in hospital for at least 3 days, or until they can "build me up" again. UGH! I am so frustrated. But I gain comfort from the fact that if my body took such a huge hit from this last round, just imagine how f~!%ed the cancer is... :-)

Well, I started Chapter One with drama, so I guess wrapping it up with some drama should not be surprising. I just trust that Chapter Two will be a milder, kinder, uneventful process, or so I hope, ever the optimist.

The hardest part of this turn of events? I miss James terribly - ending my day with him sleepy in my arms, and starting my day with his smiles and excitement and kisses, is something that has become such a huge part of my inner peace. The over-doting mother?! Probably. He's more than fine - he has apparently been chirpy and happy and playful this morning, more than well looked after by his father and grandmother. I am the one who is having such a hard time! But soon I shall be home again, yet another hurdle overcome. Patience. What a journey this continues to be.