Adding to the Troops

Dear All,

The hit of Round #4 is slowly receding, and I am feeling my body once more stand itself up. The nausea seems to be lingering a little longer this time, but is manageable, and the tiredness, while still coming in waves, is much less heavy. Admittedly, the "cumulative" impact of treatment was felt this time around, but then, it meant the fight was all that more "on" and powerful. To the onlooker, however, the scene was a quiet one. I spent Thursday through Sunday mostly in bed, napping and sleeping, curled in a ball under my covers with James sneaking kisses under the blanket, Chiara chatting softly at my side, Julian stroking my head with constant words of encouragement, and my mother (the ultimate carer), looking after us all. The usual up and down emotional moments that I have come to expect painted the rollercoaster ride. But as I said, my body is again standing itself up, and so the journey continues.

Monday came around, and it was an emotionally powerful day for me. In a very positive way. I was lying on my bed, and decided to finally watched part of a DVD that had been given to me about a Center in London called "The Haven" - it is for women with breast cancer, and offers a variety of support, workshops etc. I had delayed looking at it because I didn't feel it was what I needed at the time, and also because each treatment cycle had brought with it its drama, so all I wanted was just to "be". Well, I put in the DVD, and there was a 2-minute intro by a British TV actress, Amanda Mealing, who I had never heard of. But her opening line was, "I was thirty six years old, and had just given birth to my son. What had been thought of as mastitis, was soon found to be Stage III breast cancer, which is the aggressive kind... my son's first year was spent with my having 7 months of chemo, surgeries, radiotherapy....Now, five years on, I am well, I have wonderful children, and I lead a wonderfully full life". I stopped the DVD and began to cry so hard. "That's me! That's me!!!!" I cried. She was young, she had just had a baby, her cancer was the agressive kind like mine, her life had been turned upside down, and she's made it. A sign? I put the laptop aside, and without hesitation, I picked up the phone and dialed The Haven. "Yes, I'd like an initial consult...." I went that same afternoon, and met with a wonderful practioner, who talked me through the possible services (all free, it's a charity). I spent the hour crying and sharing and brainstorming, and felt drained but well at the end of it. I now, over the course of the next couple of weeks, will be meeting with a nutritionist, medical herbalist, shiatsu practitioner, and counsellor. I am also going to be attending workshops on juicing, cooking and mind-body meditation. [Ironically, one of the women who runs a meditation/relaxation programme there used to work at the Bristol Cancer Help Center, a similar organisation where I got my first job after university, working as a research assistant from 1994-1996. I will be seeing her again, now after 15 years]! It felt good, the timing feels right. I may not know Amanda Mealing, but she has now become, unbeknownst to her, one of my troops in this fight.

And speaking of troops, I have attached a picture of my dear Dr. Plowman, who continues to lead me through these difficult times. I love this photo, because I feel that it captures both the physician and the human who has never let go of my hand.