Reflections and Rebounding.

Dear All,

The wind and rain are creating an orchestra of sound outside my window, and I am cosily indoors, with James asleep for his afternoon nap. My mother has headed back to Madrid for a week, the first time that she has been back home since my diagnosis three months ago. Poor woman, she so needs and deserves this break. My nausea, which unexpectedly knocked me sideways yesterday, seems to have lifted once again, hopefully for good in this between-cycle period.

I continue to try to toy with "normalcy", only to find that I must take things one day at a time, and be patient. My days are dictated by how strong or weak my body feels, by what hospital appointments I have, by what other commitments I have dared to make. I have learned, the hard way, that in my current chapter I cannot plan ahead more than a few days at best, as my blood counts might let me down or my energy will simply not be there. The "old me" would have pushed through this in stubborn determination. The "new me" is learning to recognise that I need to listen to my body and, more importantly, that I need to heed what it is saying. The "old me" would have taken pride in achieving despite the tiredness and the strain. The "new me" is learning to recognise that the biggest achievement is to have a rested, calm being.

This last round of chemo was a toughie, as I guess they all are, and I am feeling that the warrior inside of me is still very strong in spirit, but that my body armour is definitely covered in a growing number of large dents and deep scratches. However, the armour is still there, still on and still ready for the rounds that lie ahead. Even in the hardest of times, I tell myself, even on those lowest of low days, rebounding is central to this fight. And, on that theme, Julian's uncle sent me the following link to a short animated feature that I simply loved and wanted to share: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHgahrjsqmY It just made me break out into a big grin.

Hugs to you all.